Emmerson's Heart Read online

  “I don’t. I don’t want to be away. I can’t.” Education didn’t matter to me. I knew what I needed to know and what I didn’t, I did research. I just wanted to be back home on the ranch where I didn’t have that fear I was losing them. Truth was, I was losing them. Paul was getting farther and farther away from me already. Hell, he didn’t even want to be around me anymore. And now, Connie….I ruined her kitchen again.

  “Why not, Em? You’re doing so well there.”

  “Because I am scared that you won’t be here.”

  “We will always be here.” Kissing my forehead again, she smiled as she gave me one last squeeze before letting me go. “Now, get him the hell out of my house.”

  Nodding, I quickly brushed away the tears as I looked at Ben reaching for the bowl of apples. Why she put them there was still a question I always asked, every weekend when he tried getting them.

  “Why don’t you go and see what Rob and Marc are up to? They are down in the barn.” Rubbing my back, she laughed as she looked over the wreckage. “And take Ben with you. He’s been missing you.”

  Taking the halter, I grabbed an apple and walked him out. Taking in the scent of the crisp air, I felt the hurt filling in seeing Paul and Becky by her fancy SUV. He kissed her and smiled before turning away. God, that hurt even more. Did his kiss have as much effect on her as it had on me? If he had only known how it felt for me. And that chest. That tattoo. Ugh, he was just amazing without his shirt on. I did my best not letting it take control of me last weekend, but it had. That tattoo was all that I could think about after he had gotten it a few months ago. Seeing it again just made that mental picture in my head even more clear.

  Wandering down to the barn, I slipped inside and heard the two middle brothers talking about some girls and what they had done with them. Yes, having four brothers, especially those two, I had heard it all. Sometimes, Jackson got so upset with them over the way they talked around me, but I didn’t care. They were my brothers.

  “She just had this….” Marc’s soft browns shot up to me, halting the conversation. “Shit. Here she comes again.”

  “Don’t mind me. I just got chased out of the kitchen.” Plopping down on the hay bale, I watched Ben head for the grain bucket that was hanging on the wall for him. No matter what anyone had done, Ben was just an animal that had escaped out of everything. Jackson threatened to put padlocks on the stall and the coral, but for some reason, I just figured that Ben would find a way out anyway.

  “Ben inside again?” Rob chuckled as he stretched out on the bed of hay in the open area. “I have one hell of a hangover, Bro.”

  “Just wait until you turn twenty-one, lil’ sis.” Marc cursed as he rubbed his forehead.

  “Do you guys hate me being around always, too?” Their looks had passed to each other as they shook their heads.

  “No, you’re a pretty cool girl.” Marc yawned as he shrugged a little checking with Rob. “Life would be dull if you weren’t here.”

  “That’s for sure.” Rob chuckled a little before running his hand through his dark hair. “Emmy, just because you weren’t born our sister, doesn’t mean that you’re not our sister.”

  “What’s going on, girlfriend?” Marc’s compassion filled eyes shifted over to me as the deep Huck nature came to his face. Hell, I had seen that look with all the boys when they knew that something was up, especially when it came to me.

  “Hey, I better go and check with Paul to see what needs to be done so he doesn’t have a shit-fit.” Rob climbed to his feet and stopped by me. Planting a kiss on my forehead, he smiled, tasseled my hair a little, and headed for the door. “You mean a hell of a lot to us, Emmer. Don’t ever forget that.”

  Watching him walk out had taken another piece of my heart. Through his senior year of high school, I had tutored him and a few of his friends, which was the reason why we had been close. He was damn close to failing and I was bored. So bored and needed a new challenge. Not one of them forgot about it either. To this day, they had called me when they needed help with something and they hadn’t forgotten about it either.

  “So, what’s on your mind, Emmy?” Marc moved over to the bales next to me, leaning against the barn wall. Shoving his hands deep into his pockets, he bit his bottom lip hard. That was the one trait that all four of the boys had and it was cute. Paul, though, was more. It had caught me more when he did it, though. Simple things with Paul that the others had, really caught me more.

  “I just feel like I am losing my family. I don’t know why.”

  “Emmer, you don’t just lose us. We love you just as if you were a Huck. That’s how we are.” Taking his hand out of his pocket, he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “I know that you and Paul aren’t as close as you once were. Is that where you are getting this feeling?”

  “No.” Yes. It was. Paul was getting more and more pulled away and I couldn’t stop it. I missed him so much. On the nights I had my nightmares, I would sit and look at his number on my cell, but I couldn’t push send. I just couldn’t.

  “You are such a liar. Just talk to me, Emmer.”

  “I just hate it, Marc. I hate the fact that he’s with her.” There I said it. I said it to the one that, other than Paul, I had trusted to keep my secret.

  “Becky’s actually a pretty good woman. You don’t have to be worried about her hurting him.”

  “It’s not that, Marc. I just….now that he’s with her, he doesn’t want anything to do with me lately and it hurts. He was my best friend.” The tears had packed in my eyes again. Maybe I should have stayed at the college. If I knew I would be crying this much here, I never would have come. But, I needed my brothers. I needed my mom and dad. I had to be close to them for some strange reason. Hell, I was home every weekend, but something was just hitting me so much harder this weekend.

  “Paul shouldn’t be pushing you away like he is. He just has a lot on his mind and buying that ring…”

  My heart slammed into my stomach so fast that it had splashed the contents up into my throat. “What ring?”

  “He bought Becky an engagement ring. Sounds like he’s going to propose at Christmas.” His eyes softened as he looked at me deeper. “Just hang in there kid. You will have your best friend back someday. Just let him get through this.”

  “No, he will never be my best friend again.” Standing up, I looked at Ben and felt the emptiness filling deep inside of me. I would lose him for good if he got married. He would leave and I would be nothing to him again. Becky was his life, his world, and he had wanted her for so long. God, it hurt too much.

  “I’m always open, Kid. I am.” His voice softened as his head tipped lower. “I miss being home since you come here.”

  “You can always come and keep me company at school. I can use the friend there.” Choking out, I felt the nausea swirling and wanting to just come out.

  “Everything going okay there?”

  “No, they all make fun of me because my roommate told them all about my scars and nightmares.”

  “Kid, I will be there starting Monday. Don’t worry about it.” Getting up, he hugged me tightly and walked out of the barn.

  Taking Ben, I led him down to the end and grabbed his saddle. A ride would help. We hadn’t been able to do much of that during the week, not like we always had. With me being away, he was being neglected and I hated it. It was the fastest that I had him ready and we headed out. I just needed to think about this, think about what was going on. Why hadn’t Paul told me if he was thinking of asking Becky to marry him? Why did he kiss me like that last weekend?

  It had been hours that I was out and I knew that I would be getting a talking to when I came in late for dinner. Putting Ben’s saddle away, I ran to the house as everyone was at the table waiting. And she was there with her hand on Paul’s thigh. Her smile was big and her eyes shifted around the table. His jaw had tightened when I had slipped into my seat and his arm went around Becky, pulling her closer to him.

  Dinner was quie
t, but Becky had managed to be the one that broke the silence by asking about my school. Hell, I didn’t want to talk to her about anything. I didn’t like her at all. She was taking my best friend away from me and it hurt so much. After the table was cleared, I headed out to Ben. We had a lot to discuss now and he was a great listener.

  “You don’t have to be such a bitch!” Paul came down the porch steps so fast that Ben had jerked quickly. “God, Emmerson! You are-”

  “I can’t stand her!” Reaching for Ben, he jerked away from me at the sound of my voice. Whenever I got upset, he was there, right there to protect me. “I am sorry, but you just…”

  “It’s not me! It is not me that is coming between this here.” He waved his hand between us. His dark brows pinched tightly as the anger was sinking in deeper. “You are nothing but a spoiled little bitch, Emmy! If you can’t be happy for me, then stay the hell away from me!”

  “I care about you, Paul! I miss my best friend! We don’t do anything anymore!”

  “That’s because I am so sick of your shit! It’s not because of my relationship with her! It’s you. I can’t stand to be around you! God, just stay the hell away from me! You have brought my life down for so long now! I can’t! Just leave me the hell alone!” Those perfect teeth came together as he hissed out his angry cursing. “I hate the fact that you are always around! I hate the weekends when you are here because it’s nothing but pure drama with you! You are spoiled and you have become such a bitch that I regret that night I ever found you!”

  Wow, that hurt, cutting so deep that I couldn’t breathe. Pressing my lips together, I held back my tears and nodded now knowing his true feelings about me. He really did hate me. He really hated the fact that he was the one that had saved me from the wrath of my father. It was him that I had owed my life to and now he was telling me that he hated the fact that it was him. “I will leave you alone now.”

  That hurt even worse than the birthdays and holidays I had with my dad. Nothing could ever cut that deep, not like taking the world from me. My stomach wanted to come up. For once in my life, I deserved what my dad had put on me, what he had done to me. I knew that was why it had happened. He hated me that much also. Now, my best friend admitted to having those same feelings. I knew what I had to do. I knew that I would never come back there. I would never see my family again. If my best friend hated me that much to regret the day that he pulled me out from under the broken down porch that night, maybe they all had.

  “You’re right.” The pain was so deep, I couldn’t hold it back. I couldn’t just keep this in. For so long, I kept the house secrets to myself just to get through those horrible times, but this, this scarred me worse than ever. This, I would never get over seeing that pure regret in him as he just stood there with the disgust deep in his eyes. Turning away, I went down to the barn and sat on the bale while looking at the saddened face of Ben. His ears flickered as he nudged me gently. “I’m not coming back. I am sorry, but I’m not.”

  Pushing myself up, I headed out to my truck, not seeing anyone else outside of the house. On holidays, we sat around and talked, had family time as Connie called it. No, I wasn’t family anymore. I didn’t want to be. Not after what Paul said.

  Forget my clothes, forget my bag. I just left. Everyone wanted me at school so that was where I was going to stay from now on. And I would stay there, get a job, and save some money so when I was done, I wouldn’t have to go back to the ranch. Knowing Paul’s true feelings for me now, I wasn’t going to ever face him again. How could he say something that would hurt so bad? He’s always been there for me, always my best friend, but finding out how much he actually hated me hurt more than anything I ever experienced in my life. If he hated me so much, then why did he kiss me like that last weekend? That was a kiss, a real kiss…wasn’t it?

  I just couldn’t figure out why he all of a sudden changed so much. Maybe I was being a bitch, but since Becky started always coming around, he was pushing me more and more away. If that was what he wanted, then just tell me. I would understand. But he didn’t. Instead, he was being mean and not wanting anything to do with me. Why? Was it her telling him to? He was the one who saved me that night on a hunch. He was the one who found me before I froze to death and he was the one brother who actually saw what my father had done to me. But to say something like he regretted it… Then maybe I needed to leave. I needed to leave and just stay away. Next weekend, I would make up some excuse not to come home and I would keep coming up with excuses if Paul wanted me gone. He was still my best friend and I would try to grant him that. I would just give him that.

  Chapter 6

  ****Past****

  Paul

  Saturday night, I had gone down to the bar to meet up with a few of my friends and I was having a good time, too. Of course, they teased me about my beige sweater, but the thing was so damn warm, I wasn’t taking it off. After having my fill of drinks and some flirting with a friend of mine, I went out to my truck. Looking down the road to the house where I dropped Will’s little school friend off, I thought about going over just to check on the girl.

  From what I gathered from Will, Emmer hadn’t been in school since before the break for Thanksgiving a little over a week ago. It bothered me. It bothered me more and more. The more I thought about it, I tried remembering if I saw something that was questionable about her. Some people just weren’t as lucky as us with enough money for food and clothing. I understood that and my dad reminded me of that each time I brought the subject on the girl. He did also state, if there was something that required someone to check on things back at Emmy’s home, then he would. Not me.

  It did piss me off a little that he wouldn’t let me, but I understood that also. I was, what, barely an adult myself? He would take care of any issues…..if there were any that came about. Still, it really got to me on a few things that girl did and a few looks she had given me.

  She followed me around the most when they weren’t working on assignments and doing chores. I didn’t mind because I hate to admit, she was smarter than anyone I knew. Even at her age, the age of my youngest brother—fourteen—she was that damn smart. I was blown away at a few things she had thrown my way, talking to me about diseases that had gone through herds. I mean, come on. I told her a little about what I did and what I had to look for on our little camping trip to check on the herd. And there she was, telling me all about it and what she would look for before I really had the chance to explain anything to her. I stood there shocked that she knew what a cow with brucellosis was.

  Then, the laughs that came from her were ones I would never forget. It was beautiful being so full of life and freedom, but yet so strong with pain and hurt that she hid so damn well. It was the first time a laugh ever hit me like it did. I swear, though, when I turned to talk to Will and Rob, I caught her out of the corner of my eye trying to brush something from her face. Tears, maybe. That was what I was guessing because she really didn’t look at me afterward until it was dark out and I could barely see her. On the morning ride, I finally broke her of her secret. After I talked to her about coming out with us, she went to the library and studied everything she could to get ready. And how she remembered all that, I had no idea and I was blown away. Rob and Will were doing this all their lives, but the things Emmy knew just by reading some journals and books, they hadn’t even heard of.

  That Sunday night when I dropped her off at home, she hesitated so much before she got out. She sat there in my truck, wrenching her small hands together as her eyes stayed on the broken front window of the old rundown place as if she were contemplating something. Maybe she was. That or she was preparing herself to go inside. Maybe her dad wasn’t even home. I don’t really know, but it didn’t sit right with me. And I didn’t push her to get out either being as late as it was. Maybe I was hoping she would confide in me, tell me that something was wrong, but nothing. When her hand went to the door handle, her lips parted slightly as she tipped her head and that was when I damn near lost
it. There had to be something going on in that house. Something that wasn’t good at all. And I really thought she was going to blurt it out, tell me what it was. Instead, she choked out a thank you, told me how much she really enjoyed the trip even though she had to pee outside, sleep outside, and eat food that tasted like complete shit. Hell, she didn’t even care she had nasty mud and manure caked on her clothing, dirt under her fingernails, or that her hair hadn’t been brushed since we left the house. She didn’t care, but then again, I hadn’t seen her laugh or smile that much since Will started bringing her around. Nothing that was forced, anyway.

  Tucking into my heavy wool, I slipped my hands into the pockets and hit the remote to my truck causing the engine to rev to life. Knocking the blades to my wipers down onto the frosted windshield, I cursed as I kicked at the tire. What luck. It was only the start of December and already negative twenty degrees out. This winter was going to be one of the worse ones that I could remember. And with winter being this cruel to us, it would be devastating to the herd. Plus, I was short help as it was with my dad breaking his leg a few days ago when he slipped in the barn.

  Catching something move out of the corner of my eye, my heart jumped a little. Looking back down the road, I sucked in a deep breath. Whatever it was, it was bigger than a small animal. Maybe a dog had been out and its paws froze. Getting into my truck, I headed down the road to see if I could find what it was. There was something and I could see the drag marks in the snow.

  Stopping along the road, I pulled out my large flashlight and looked out my window. There was something larger than a dog and seemed as if it had been dragged. Leaving the truck running and in park, I gritted my teeth and got out, hoping like hell it wasn’t something that would kill me. There had been moose in town before and one would run me down in a heartbeat. That wasn’t anything new. We had that happen a couple times already since I could remember. It couldn’t be a bear because the bears were in hibernation now.