Emmerson's Heart Read online

  “You’re a natural, Tyke!” Paul moved along with his large horse as if he were born there, like the guys in the movies that just fit right into the saddle. “You’re doing damn good for being a first timer.”

  “I love it!” Letting myself relax, I closed my eyes and took in the scent of the fresh air. It was like heaven was wrapping her arms around me, embracing me, letting me just think about something more than the pain that came from my own father.

  “We are going to keep going for a while and when the forest starts, that’s where we are heading.”

  “How can anyone not love this?” Opening my eyes, I looked over at him with the big and bright smile on his face, those dark eyes dancing with happiness, more happiness I had ever seen in anyone before.

  “Some don’t. My brother, Marc—he’s a year younger than me—decided that he was staying at school now. He doesn’t really care to ride anymore.”

  “He’s missing out.” Laughing, I reached up and caught my hat before it blew off. Just taking it off, I held it in my free hand as the wind went through my hair. It felt so good with the tugging that wasn’t caused by a man’s hand, my father’s hand. If I could have this every day, I would kiss the ground each and every morning. But that would never happen. Once this project was done, I would be nothing again and living in a world of misery behind my father’s walls. No friends. Nothing. Again. “There are just four of you?”

  “Yeah. And still not enough to get work done.”

  “I can help….With anything.” I have no idea why I said something. I should have thought about it before opening my mouth. If he had figured anything out and talked to his parents, people would be crawling around our house and my dad would pick us up and move…again. I didn’t want to move. I liked Will and his lunches. I liked the way he overlooked the fact that I stole his food. He knew it was me and yet, he didn’t ask me about it. He didn’t look down on me about it. Nope. Instead, he just looked the other way.

  “This weekend, I have to go through the cows to check for any illnesses. It would be an adventure. I can’t get no help from Rob with his basketball games this weekend and Will….He doesn’t know what to do even though we do it all the time. I can talk to your dad and…”

  “He’s working this weekend and I can ask him. I don’t know how much help I can be….”

  “It’s a lot of work. We have over a thousand cows and we would be riding a lot.”

  “Please! I will talk to him. I can help.” If I got to spend the weekend hiding while my dad was home with his “weekend guest” or ride out checking on a thousand cows, I would rather the riding. I could learn. Besides, my dad wouldn’t care as long as no one questioned him about me.

  “We might not make it back. If I can get Will away from his video game, he will come, too. We might camp out so it would mean sleeping on the ground in a tent.”

  As if I never slept on the ground before. A tent would be a luxury item that I never had when I “camped” out before. And my dad would rather me not be home on the weekends anyway. Last weekend, I spent my time under the side steps hiding so no one would know that I was locked out while he had his little party. The less attention on him meant the less bruises and beatings I received. “I’ve never been camping in a tent before.”

  “Alright. I will talk to my mom and dad. The extra hand would help, but you would have to stay by me and listen to me.”

  “I would!”

  “You will get really dirty.”

  “I don’t care.” As if I hadn’t gotten dirty before. If he only knew what I went through. A little dirt would never kill me. My dad, maybe. But not dirt. Oh, how I wanted to spend the weekend there. I wanted to wear these fuzzy socks, this warm jacket, and ride this horse again. I wanted to ride out into the world of freedom again. I wanted to enjoy this more. I wanted to do this a whole lot more. Maybe it was the running. We were running through the wide open that I always dreamed about.

  When we had gotten in sight of the woods, we went back to a walk and I relaxed even more. Glancing over at Paul, I smiled. I liked him. I really liked him and his way. Something about him just made me at ease. Something I really hadn’t gotten from a man before. Not with the way I had to size them up because of my dad, see how much damage they could inflict on me. Paul was different. Paul was….someone I didn’t fear.

  “There is going to be a steep decline to get to the fence. Let the horse do the work. She knows what she needs to do.” Reaching over, he grabbed the pocket of my jacket and pulled out a large baggie. “Thank goodness for my mom.”

  “What is that?”

  “I figured she snuck you a treat.” Letting his reins hang on the horn of the saddle, he opened the bag and pulled out two cookies. Fresh, baked cookies. They weren’t bought in a store. I could tell that from the cookies my dad bought that I didn’t dare touch. Hell, I thought I could have one once and I took one. I could barely shower because of the pain he induced on my back. It was so raw that the water hitting it would make me nauseous. “Here.”

  “Can I have one?”

  “She packed them for you. She’s usually more caring to you younger ones than me.” Shoving one into his mouth, he groaned loudly. “What the heck! Chocolate chip!”

  Taking the bag, I pulled one out and felt the hunger rumbling in my stomach. Ugh, how I wanted to eat it all as fast as I could just to get rid of that pain. I didn’t have time to stash Will’s lunch I stole today because I was coming straight over to his house so I had to leave it in the bathroom. Lifting it to my lips, I looked over at him out of the side of my eye, making sure he wasn’t going to come after me for eating one. I didn’t think he would, but I didn’t know that my dad would be so angry toward me like he was over little things. Then again, after my mom killed herself, he blamed me. That was why he hated me, according to him. I didn’t remember that at all. I didn’t even remember my mother.

  “I will have to have a talk with that woman. She knows my favorite is sugar cookies.” Shoving the other one in his mouth, he gathered his reins again as his shoulders eased. “If you do come with us, we will be riding over a lot of land. Don’t be afraid to tell me if you need to stop or if something is wrong.”

  “How much is a lot of land?” Managing to take a small bite, I let the flavor explode in my mouth. Will had some cookies in his lunches, but nothing this good. It was heaven. Pure heaven. Riding on the horse and eating a cookie. Others may think that this was nothing, but to me, this was an experience I would dream about when my birthday came along, when I endured the most of my pain.

  “Um….we have about fifteen hundred acres. All this you see is all our land. The Andrews’ land starts way past the creek over on the west end.” As he talked more, I missed a little while savoring the flavor of that fresh baked cookie.

  Putting the rest of the cookies back into the pocket, I wanted to save one for later. I wanted that taste again before I would have to go home once again to my dad.

  When we had gotten through the start of the woods, I knew what Paul was talking about when he said a steep decline. When the horse started to go down the hill, my heart jumped hard. What would happen if the animal stepped wrong or slipped? What would I do? I didn’t want to do anything to hurt Will’s mom’s horse, but I had no idea what I was doing. Instead, I just watched Paul and how he carried himself in the saddle. He should know how to ride. He was raised on horses.

  Getting to the bottom, I let out my breath as I heard the little chuckle. When we arrived to the fence, I watched him get down as if it were nothing. I could do that. I could….get down myself just as he did. Swinging my leg over the horse’s back, I went down to the ground with my right leg, just as Paul did. When I was there, I pulled my foot out of the stirrup and I went straight down to the ground, hard on my backside that was a little sore from my last disciplinary action. It was two weeks ago, but darn it, if I didn’t feel it now.

  “Emmy!” Paul’s hands scooped under my arms as he helped me back to my feet. Tears rolle
d down my eyes as I just wanted to cry more. I couldn’t. I had to pull it back in. If Paul found out, either he would tell his parents and I wouldn’t be able to come around anymore or the authorities would be sticking their nose into my dad’s house and I would get it worse. “You should have waited.”

  “I thought…I could…get down…”

  “I know. You’re not used to this yet. You’re going to be sore.” As I watched him draw his bottom lip in through his perfect teeth, my heart stopped. He was upset that I fell. So what. It didn’t hurt. That didn’t hurt. The old bruising I had was what hurt. “Are you okay?”

  Nodding, I waited for him to scream. Here, he was nice enough to let me ride along and now, I had to fall getting down off the horse. I just wanted to show him that I could do it. This weekend was coming up fast and I wanted to spend one weekend not sleeping under the broken steps on the side of the house. I didn’t want to be alone. I didn’t. I didn’t want to sleep under there and spend the daylight trying to hide from others in town.

  “Let’s get this fence fixed and get back to dinner. I have a barn that needs to be cleaned tonight.” Turning back to the horse I rode, he gathered the reins and tied them to the tree. Heading over to his black horse, he unlatched the saddlebag and slung it over his shoulder. “Let’s go, Tyke.”

  “I can help….clean the barn.” Why not? I didn’t want to go home. Not tonight anyway.

  “Sure. But if I let you do that, you wouldn’t want to come around here anymore.” Chuckling, he went to where the broken barbed wire had snapped and was coiled up in the brush. Taking the bag from him, I watched at what he was doing and handed him what he needed. He could have done this all himself, but maybe he just wanted someone to ride out with him. And I appreciated it. I loved the ride.

  Getting the fence fixed and riding back to the house, I was sad that the time had gone by too fast. I wanted to ride again. I wanted to learn everything. I wanted to be there working more, but after our project was done, I knew I wouldn’t be back there. I would be back under my father’s roof, hiding the best I could.

  After helping Paul put the horses away and turning them out into the small pasture south of the barn, I followed him around as we put the tack away. Biting my lip, I came around the corner to see an older version of Paul waiting there for us. His dark eyes were housed by some wrinkles and silvers were poking through the dark head of hair and showing his age. I had seen him a few times, but I stayed clear from him, from Will’s dad.

  “Where in the hell were you?” His deep voice vibrated through him as he put his hands on his hips while staring down his oldest son, the one who was a younger version.

  “Out fixing that fence because no one else did. Damn herd was sniffing around there and Anderson called to tell me that he had a few already at his place.” Paul reached over, taking the saddle from me and putting it on a saw horse in the small room with the others. “Emmy rode out with me because Will and Rob neglected to do their chores.”

  “That’s just great! I have things to do and I need to count on you three!” Stomping his foot, the man turned so fast, I jumped out of his way and waited for the anger to come at me. Instead, the corners of his mouth twitched as he looked me over. “Little girl, did you like the ride?”

  “Dad, that’s Will’s friend, Emmerson.” Smiling, Paul hung the bridle on the hook on the wall above the saddle I used.

  “Best get your hide in the house for some chow. I can’t let you work and not feed you.” His hand came down on my shoulder, giving me a little squeeze right where my dad had punched me over the weekend before I slipped out to be “unseen”. The pain ripped through my arm and tears burst into my eyes. It hurt so bad, but what could I do? I had to pull it back and hide it. I was used to it, but then again, I didn’t have people touching me like that before now. This was all different. Very different than what I had experienced before and I liked it. I liked the way these people made me feel. I felt good for a change, comfortable, safe. “I have some business to finish up after dinner so you will be alone for the rest of the night.”

  “I had Emmer offer to shovel stalls. Pretty sure I can get this done with earlier than expected.” Looking over at me, Paul winked playfully. “I’m sure she would go running for the hills after that.”

  “Don’t go scaring her off too soon, Paul. We can always use a scooper.”

  “This weekend, I need to check through the herd again. I think there might be something going around. Emmer offered to help out because Rob has his basketball games this weekend.”

  Will’s dad nodded as he looked me over. “You think you can handle that? It’s a lot of riding and sleeping on the ground. You wouldn’t be able to be here to eat. You would eat your meals out there and sit by a campfire. I don’t know….It’s a boy thing.”

  “I can do it. I can help. Please?” A weekend away from the wrath of my father, sleeping out under the broken porch, not eating…..Um, this would be far better than what my weekends were, anyway. Besides, my dad wouldn’t even know I was gone. He wouldn’t care as long as he didn’t have people coming around questioning his ways. As long as I stayed quiet and under the Huck’s radar, I would be fine. My dad wouldn’t be so angry and I wouldn’t be so hurt. Just as long as I made sure I kept under that radar, for a little bit of my life, it would be worth living.

  Chapter 5

  ****Present****

  “How many times did I tell you not to even try?” Connie stood in the kitchen with her eyes scanning the mess. There was waffle batter all over the floor because the damn bowl had walked its way off the counter…again. Completely not my fault….again. This time, the bowl broke which had raised Connie’s mental flag. Smoke was pouring out of the glass lid that roofed the pan of bacon and the room was filling fast. Ben was standing in the doorway, his dark gray ears perked up while watching everything that was happening. Not something that she had approved of, but I hadn’t been able to get him out before the disaster hit.

  Just as he reached for an apple that was on the counter, she swatted at him and screamed. “Emmy, what did I tell you about him?”

  “He’s just-”

  “Get him the hell out of here!” She screamed as she fled to the oven to stop the smoke. Another pan that I had just ruined, I am sure of.

  “I’m sorry-”

  “This is…” Just as she stepped, her foot caught the first batch of waffle mix that missed the iron maker. Yeah, that was the batch that I ended up wearing when the bowl decided to slip through my hands. Catching herself, she let out a loud curse as Ben had come through the door again wanting that apple. It wasn’t my fault that the bowl had been on the counter where she had wanted them. She knew how he was. “Emmerson!”

  “I can clean it up-”

  “No, just get him the hell out of my house! Just go! I have enough to do as it is! Get him out of my house!”

  “I just wanted to help you out.” The tears stung more than they ever had before. Damn Paul. Why did he kiss me last weekend? Why did he do that? The look on his face, that disgust he had about kissing me, was worse than any hit I had taken from my dad. Then he told me just to leave? All I wanted was for him to do it again. I wanted him to kiss me more. Butterflies danced and fluttered in my belly and the heat was so amazing that I just needed more.

  Ben made his way closer to her as he nickered softly. Belting out a scream at him, Connie’s hazels shot to me, heated and angry. I knew how she was with Ben in the house and he was a big horse. I just couldn’t stop him with the tornado that was ripping through the kitchen unexpectedly.

  “I told you not to be messing in my kitchen, didn’t I?” Had I really gone too far this time? I thought it would be a nice surprise for her to not have to mess with breakfast knowing she would be making dinner all day. It was Thanksgiving, after all.

  How could this all be screwing up so fast? Paul was way different to me than what he was before. I mean, he could barely look at me when I was home on the weekends. And if he wasn’t at
her house, he was hiding from me. Last weekend, I was watching and waiting for him to get home so I could at least talk to him. But something was different. Something changed with him and maybe he just didn’t want to be around me anymore.

  And Connie….Sure, she told me not to be thinking about trying to cook, but I did and I made a huge mess. So much for giving her a break this morning, but I wanted to try. I wanted to make sure I still had a place here. But, maybe no one wanted me there anymore.

  “I’m sorry. I’ll leave.” It broke my heart. It really did, but this was it. This was the reasoning behind me going away for school. They were just tired of me being there and college was their escape from me.

  “Emmer, just…” Her hand came down on my shoulder as she pulled me tight to her. “I’m sorry. I know that you just want to help, but Honey, you are not one that can be in the kitchen. I’m sorry.”

  “I thought that I had it. I read it on the internet how to cook and I figured that with you not wanting me around anymore-”

  “Emmy, where in the hell did you come up with that?” Pulling me back enough to look at me, her hazels greened a little more as they softened on me. “You are a part of this family. You always will be. Nothing will ever change that.”

  “I can’t cook. I can’t do anything. I’m just….” The hot tears came so fast that they actually scared me this time. I hadn’t cried in front of her before, but it was scaring me that I was losing the only family that I had ever wanted.

  “Oh, Honey.” Pressing my head into her bosomy chest, she kissed my forehead as she held me as tight as she could. “Don’t even think that we don’t want you. We love you very much.”

  “I just hate being at school. I know you are tired of having me around and that is why-”

  “That’s not why you are there. You need an education, Emmy. You need this chance. As we talked about it, Emmy. We said that one year and we would let you take the rest online if that was what you wanted.” Pulling me back by my shoulders, she looked me over, my battered covered clothing. “And you need the education because you’re going to need something that pays enough for you to have a cook.”