Emmerson's Heart Page 5

  Once, she looked at me differently. There once was a time she had this whole look about her, wanting, begging me to step up and take her. Not so much in a sense as I just did, but it was me she silently asked for help. I just wished that I had caught on sooner than to let her go through everything she had with her dad.

  It was in those first few times she had come around that she had taken to me instantly. How could I shove her away or get annoyed by the fact she was constantly following me around? She was more help than Rob and Will were put together and I didn’t mind her company. Back then, she wasn’t the woman she was today which made it a hell of a lot easier. But the way she always looked at me was special, more than she looked at anyone else. Me. I was the one she came to, helped, and started to actually laugh with. Me. And now, if I had a chance to get that girl back, to have that life I once had with her, I would take it in a heartbeat. At least it was tight between us and happy. Now, I was left with doing nothing but pushing her away, hurting her, and screwing up everything I possibly could. Someday, though, someday I would be the one who destroyed her over what happened.

  Chapter 4

  ****Past****

  Emmerson

  Two weeks now I had gone to Will’s every day after school to work on the project. I had to admit, I still felt guilty over stealing his lunches, but they were so good and I hid what I could in the little cubbyhole I found in my room. One board that wasn’t attached like the others was big enough to keep me from being so sick until my next stolen meal. When you were starving, you did what you had to do. I just wondered if he knew it was me that was taking his lunches.

  He had to know. I was the one sitting behind him and I never did look him in the eye afterward. I couldn’t. I was ashamed of what I had to do and I knew stealing was wrong. Then again, when you were so hungry your insides felt like they were shredding apart, you had to do something. And I stole his bagged lunches to survive. Stealing from him had been ten times better than stealing a piece of bread or some crackers from my dad. At least I didn’t bleed or hurt for two weeks afterward. And why, if he knew I was stealing his lunches, he had chosen me to work on the project with was something I still tried to figure out.

  Taking a seat at the large dining room table in the smaller, quiet room filled with pictures of horses and the family, my heart sank hard. Was this how a dining room was supposed to look? I understood that some families, certainly not mine, sat down to dinner and ate together. Was this normal? I would hope so. I wanted to see what it was like. I wanted to see what it would be like to sit at a table that had food on it, enough food for everyone to eat and fill up on. Me? I had no idea what that feeling was like. Sure, I sat at a table, but I had to sit and watch my dad fill himself on whatever he had. If there was anything left over, then I would get to eat. But there was never anything left over. Even when he was grunting and groaning, his stomach bloating because he was so full, he still managed to finish off everything, leaving me nothing.

  “Emmy?” Will’s soft voice drifted through the sweet scented air as he unzipped his brand new black backpack, the one I pulled the brown bags of life out of when he wasn’t in his seat.

  I wanted to cry. I wanted to just blurt out what I did. I stole his food. I did it. I was sorry that I did. If he knew what I did, would he ever forgive me for being the reason why he had to go hungry through the school days? I liked him. I really did. He was sweet and caring and one person that was still nice to me even when all his friends were picking on me.

  “I figured we could work on the paper a little bit tonight and talk about what we want to do. Then, I will have to run out and help with some chores before dinner. I can see if Paul could take you home before…..”

  “No!” The breath burned my lungs as I stepped back from the table, not realizing I said something. If my dad knew I just about let it out that I didn’t want to go home, I would never live to see another day. I knew that and he reminded me every time he was actually home. After each time he would correct my errors or show me that I was wrong about something. He warned me, and his warnings were just as painful.

  That was why we had to leave the last little town we were living in. A small town in North Dakota. I liked it there, but he didn’t. He didn’t like the way people looked at him or talked to him. I didn’t see a problem. They were nice. I thought so. But school had called him in, asking some questions. I didn’t know why or what about, but I remember that day I watched him walk into the office, his shirt pressed nicely and the fresh, clean jeans on. For once, he looked handsome. His blonde hair cleaned and combed for once and the disgusting growth was shaven off his face, letting those aqua eyes shine brightly. Striking, but no one had seen the monster beneath that look there. If the school had known what they were doing by calling him into the office….

  Let’s just say, the move from that little town in North Dakota to western Montana wasn’t the best trip I had ever been on. I didn’t even remember half of it and that was shortly before school ended for that year. All I remember was laying on the floorboards of the car, feeling every bump, every little rock in the road. I learned quickly not to express any signs of pain on that trip. That had been the worst punishment he had ever given me so far. And each time he was giving me my punishment, he reminded me of what I did wrong. The questions he was asked in school weren’t anything about our home life either. He was called into the office because I was excelling in my classes and the school wanted to see if I wanted to go into some advanced classes because of my boredom.

  “I can help with chores.” Did I want to go home? No. Not at all. It would be okay after nine when my dad was passed out. That would be a way to avoid the punishment for breathing while he was having a good time. “I don’t mind.”

  “Are you sure? It stinks out in the barn and it is the day we clean stalls. It’s pretty nasty.”

  “I can help.” And why not? I did steal his food. All his food. Day after day, there it was, teasing and taunting me. I owed him. If he would show me how to clean stalls or whatever, I would gladly do it for him. How bad could it be?

  A little chuckle came from him as he straightened his books on the table and opened his red notebook, the one he used for our class.

  “Hey, Will. I’m going to be working on my math so you and your little girlfriend need to be quiet.” The older version of Will walked in. Um….Rob. That was his name. I had seen him around school and he was another one that didn’t pick on me when others were. Will had pointed him out to me once before when he stopped me in the hall to talk to me and his older brother walked past, knocking into him playfully. “Unless….I could go and pass that level in that game if you would do my math.”

  “It’s not that hard.” Grumbling a little under my breath, I pulled out the nice, strong wooden heavy chair and started to sit when I noticed that both sets of eyes were on me as if I just told my biggest secret. Tears crawled up my throat as they just looked at me. This was wrong and maybe I should just run back home. What if they started to hate me like the others in school? They were really the only nice ones while the others picked on me because I didn’t have new clothes like they had, didn’t have the best electronic stuff, nor had the makeup to make myself look like a cheap woman my dad picked up for the evenings on the weekends and the kind that the guys at school drooled over.

  Hearing the heavy footsteps coming in through the kitchen, the fear swelled deeper inside of me. Not just Will and Rob were there, but that oldest one, the one who picked Will and me up from school was there. Stepping back into the corner, I waited for him to yell at me, to scream and rant and rave, carry on like my dad did. The guy was tall and his shoulders were wide. But those eyes, those dark eyes and that dark hair. He was more handsome than the younger brothers. And I could tell that he was different. He wasn’t as kind as Will or Rob, but then again, I just met Paul the few times when he picked us up from school.

  His dark, angry eyes shifted over from Will to Rob and then back to Will. “You. I told yo
u that I needed that hay stacked before today. Low and behold, it’s still in the pile at the window so I can’t do anything.” Then the angry, smoldering eyes shifted to Rob. “And you….I asked you to put that feed away before you went to school. Damn it! I need your help! But no! Damn video games are too damn important!”

  “We have a guest….” Will choked out as he reached for his notebook, trying to calm his oldest brother; the brother that looked so much like the dad that I had seen out in the yard yesterday when Paul pulled up to the large two-story house.

  “Like I haven’t noticed! I have to stop my chores during the day to pick both of you up! I don’t have time for this! With Dad feuding with Andrews again, I don’t have the damn time!” His large hand clasped over his forehead as he let out a loud breath. His chest relaxed as he shook his head, those eyes shifting over to me. “I can use your help. I have a fence that needs to be fixed while these two gamers do the chores they neglected earlier.”

  “Paul, that’s crazy….She can just help me stack that hay.” Reaching over, Will nudged my arm as he forced a smile. I knew that smile. I had seen that smile on his sweet face before. That was the smile I had gotten from him when he asked if I would be his partner on the project with him. With him. It came after his three friends in class asked him to partner up with them. Nope, he turned them down to ask me. Why? I didn’t know. Maybe it was vengeance for me stealing his lunches.

  “Go!” The word ripped out of the largest brother’s throat, making me jump. Knocking into the cute little shelf in the corner with some photos and horse statues, I just wanted to cry. Turning quickly, I caught the statue of the bronze horse before it fell, clutching it tight to my chest. “Emmy, let’s go. I can use your hand because my brothers seem to neglect their chores.”

  Will shrugged a little as he took the statute from me and placed it back on the shelf. “Can’t we even get something to eat first?”

  “You should have thought about that at lunch.” Turning, the oldest guy walked back into the kitchen.

  Horror struck me as I looked over at Will, waiting for him to yell at me. He wouldn’t be hungry if it wasn’t for me. I was stealing his lunches so he didn’t get to eat. That was my fault. It was all my fault. “I am so sorry.”

  “Ah, he’s just being a pain right now. When my dad gets in a feud with Mr. Andrews, this always happens.” Shrugging if off, Will smirked at Rob as he fixed his black and white flannel shirt.

  “Is there any way I can get you to do my math for me later? I’m not going to have time to do it now.” Pulling the cell phone out of his pocket, Rob let out a groan as he bit his finger. “Oh, she’s so hot.”

  “Let me see….”

  “Hey! Let’s go!” Paul yelled from the kitchen as the woman’s voice was talking.

  Following the boys into the kitchen that smelled of cleaning products, Will’s mom was at the counter with the rag in her hand, looking sternly at the oldest boy. Her left hand was resting on her hip, baring a large diamond ring.

  “Those boys need to do their homework.” Her makeup free lips pressed tight together as she glanced over at me. Then down to my shoes. “Honey, you can’t go out there in those.”

  “I can help. I don’t mind. I can do some….um….barn things….there….to help.” Wrenching my hands tight together, I looked right at my shoes. I didn’t want to look at anyone else. Not with getting Will in trouble. If they found anything out, they would tell the school, and my dad would be called into the office again. If they knew, he would come after me again.

  “Go! I am tired of waiting for you two to do your chores.” Paul motioned for the door, making the two younger boys rush out without a word. “Well…”

  “You hold on just one moment.” Dropping her hands, Will’s mom walked past us to the smaller door just to the left of the kitchen door to the porch. Opening it up, she reached down to pull out a black pair of boots and tugged a dark green jacket off a hanger. “Honey, put these on. It’s cold out there and I don’t want you to freeze.”

  I just stood there. The eyes staying on me, waiting for me. I was fine going out and helping Will. I was the one who got him into trouble. It was the least I could do. But going with Paul? I wasn’t sure I wanted to at all. He was a lot bigger than my dad and I knew what my dad could do to me. Paul was bigger in the chest, the arms, and the height. The damage he could cause would be worse than my dad. Ten times worse.

  “Come on, Tyke. We don’t have all day and we have a while of riding to do.”

  “Paul!” The woman stood up fast, her eyes open wide. “You’re not taking her out on horseback.”

  “How else am I going to get down there? Pretty sure I’m not carrying all that stuff down through the woods.” Reaching over, he nudged my arm. “Come out to the porch when you are ready.”

  Swallowing hard, I took the heavy jacket and squeezed my hands. Riding? Alone with Paul? Well, he did take me home last night, didn’t ask any questions and didn’t make any attempt to touch me or anything.

  “Okay….If I had known that…” Going back to the closet, she pulled out a pair of leather pants and snapped her fingers. “One thing about Paul is you don’t keep him waiting. And if I am guessing where the fence is down because you are taking the horses, you won’t be back until dinner.”

  Slipping off my shoes, I watched her jaw tighten a little as she picked them up and looked them over to look at all the holes and the glue that I used to fix them before.

  “Okay, hold on.” Handing me the leather pants, she rushed out of the room only to come back with a pair of black fuzzy socks. Pointing to the chair, she took the clothing from me, put it on the large island counter, and handed over the socks. “Put these on. They will help your feet stay a little warmer.”

  “I have….” Was I that disgusting? My old white socks were so thin, I could see my toes through the fabric. I only had a few pairs of socks and I mended them as best as I could. It wasn’t like my dad was going to spend some money and get some clothes for me. When he worked for some money, it wasn’t money he spent on me. Which he reminded me a lot. He spent money on me to get me into school. That was it. He had to or people would look into our “situation”.

  “You can keep those. I have a lot of them.” Her hand came down on my shoulder, letting the warmth shoot through me. She wouldn’t be this nice to me if she knew I was stealing her son’s lunch at school. “I have some extra clothes that I will send home with you. I just cleaned out my closet…if you would like them.”

  Nodding, the burn hit my eyes so fast, I was afraid to do anything. In all the places we lived, I never had someone be so nice to me before. In North Dakota, that one church lady had given me a jacket, but the zipper was broken and there were large holes under the arms. And in North Dakota, you needed a heavy jacket. I mended it the best I could, but half the time, I was still freezing.

  Putting the socks on, I wanted to just cry even more. The warmth was something I never experienced before. My toes were so snuggled into those fuzzy socks and warm for a change. With her help, I dressed in the leather chaps, as she called them, and the jacket. Slipping the boots on, for once, I knew what it felt like to be warm.

  “When you get back, dinner should be done. Just come in and I will have a place set for you.” Smiling, she grabbed the fuzzy stocking hat and pulled it over my head. “Go and be careful. Do you need me to call your dad?”

  “He’s at work and I told him I would be over here.” Lie! I hated lying to her, but if she were to talk to my dad about me being there, he would flip. I would never be able to sit again or leave the house until the wrath would disappear. Then again, it wasn’t a complete lie. Wednesdays, he was playing cards with someone else in the next town and he preferred I wasn’t there, anyway. Do you know how hard it is it stay hidden outside until the “guest” was gone? Pretty hard, but it was something I was used to doing.

  “Go and be careful.” Rushing me out the door, she shoved something into the coat pocket as I emerged
out to the porch where Paul was standing next to a brown horse with spots on his butt.

  “This is Foxy. She’s gentle and my mom’s horse.” Paul pulled me over to him and patted the saddle. “We have to get going.”

  “You mean….” Reaching out, I brushed my hand against the horse’s soft fur, feeling the warmth of her body. “I get to ride this one?”

  “Sure do. I thought you would like this more than stacking hay.” Reaching down, he cupped my left foot and lifted up as fast as he could. Following the instructions on how to get on, I swung my leg over the horse’s back feeling my body being jolted. Catching myself, I looked over at the wide brown eyes of Paul. “Sorry. You were a lot lighter than I thought. Get settled in.”

  As he talked while he mounted the huge black horse with the four white socks, I listened to everything he said. Paul wasn’t as bad as I thought. Hanging onto every word he said, I let the mare follow him heading around the house. Once we came to the wide open field and the last fence, he turned to look at me, his eyes softening.

  “We are going to pick it up a little or we will miss dinner. Keep your heels down and let your body go with the horse.” Waving his arm, he slowed his horse and let me catch up. “If you feel scared or something is wrong, don’t be afraid to tell me.”

  If he only knew. If he knew why I had to steal his brother’s lunches and that I was too scared to go home, he would regret that statement. My life wasn’t something anyone wanted to get involved in. I didn’t want anyone to get involved. Not with knowing what my dad was really capable of. I had to do my best not to get that man riled up. I had a few years left with him and then I could be on my own to get away from him. It was just a few more years. That was all.

  Following his lead, we picked up speed and headed out into the wide open fast and I loved it. That was the best feeling I ever had. It was, for once in my pathetic and miserable life, I felt free. I enjoyed the cold air nipping at my face, my body rocking with the power that I was riding, and the freedom of the vast open land. That was, until I heard that deep chuckle.