Emmerson's Heart Read online

  Pressing the send button, I sucked in a deep breath. My eyes burned once again as I looked at the photo that I had been carrying around in my pocket since she had come home from the hospital. I just had to tell her. I had to tell her that I didn’t mean a damn word. Maybe I should just tell her why I had to push her away. If she had only known what it was actually about, then she would understand.

  Holding the phone to my ear, my heart beat so fast that I thought it would explode. I just needed to hear her voice, to tell her how much she really meant to me. I just needed to tell her how much I loved her.

  “The number you had dialed has been disconnected or is no longer in service….”

  The air shot out of my lungs so fast, my stomach ripped through my throat. I just stared at the phone. My whole damn world crashed down around me as I felt the pain slicing through every inch of my body. Sliding to the floor, I pulled my knees to my chest and clutched her photo tight to me. This couldn’t be happening. This couldn’t be possible. Trying again, I had only come up with the same message.

  Fumbling with the phone, I dialed Becky’s number while feeling the excruciating pain rob what used to be my heart. When she had answered, I could hear the clicking in the background of her fingers on the keyboard. “Beck…”

  “Paul? Paul, what’s wrong?” It had stopped suddenly as she let out a breath. “If you are drunk…”

  “I tried to call her.”

  “That’s good. That’s good, Honey. I am sure that once you actually talk to her…”

  “Her number’s been disconnected. She changed her number.” It just hurt to breathe. It hurt to even try to. It hurt to even want to. God, Emmy, please.

  “You know where she is, Paul. You need to talk to her. Just….” She hissed a little into the phone. “Just go and talk to her. This will never end with her, Paul. Pick yourself up and go talk to her. You love her. You do. No one can or should stop you. Just go and talk to her, face to face. It’s better that way, anyway. Tell her, Paul.”

  “Do you think that she would ever forgive me?”

  I could feel her smile through the phone. As much as Becky had loved me, when Emmy’s name had come up, I could see the hurt in her. But she knew that my heart only belonged to Emmy. “Of course she will. God, Paul, she is in love with you, too. She has been. You were her whole life.”

  “The ranch was her whole life.”

  “No, Paul. You were. Why do you think that she had taken it so hard when we started dating? I actually can see it now. Go to Marc’s and just talk to her. Let her know.”

  “What if she doesn’t?” I didn’t even want to think about it. I didn’t want to think about the pain that I had caused her.

  “She will someday, Honey. She may just need some time, but she will. She loves you so much. If you get there, let her listen to what you have to say. Don’t get all mad and go off on her. Just let her know how you feel. Tell her. Then, let her come to you. She’s hurt, Paul. She’s still hurting over losing your dad. She’s hurting over what you had said. Just tell her and back off. Let her come to you. It might not be overnight, but she will come back to you.” She smiled again. “And if she doesn’t, I will be here.”

  “Thanks, Becky.”

  “Now go and let me know what happens.”

  Hanging up, I looked at the picture again and felt a spark hitting my chest. Maybe I did need to go and just tell her. I needed to tell her how much I thought of her, how beautiful she was to me, and how much I just needed her. My life without her was crumbling down. She was the only one that could save me. The only one that I would ever want to save me.

  Digging in the nightstand drawer, I pulled that velvet box out and opened it to see the luster of that ring still in there. Her ring. The only finger that this ring ever belonged on was hers and I had to let her know that was my whole intention. It was her that made me pick it out. It was her that I had only wanted that step in life with. It was her that made me even want to think about marriage.

  Shoving it into my pocket, my heart started beating again as I fled from the house. Ben lifted his head to look at me, and followed me to the main house.

  “I’m going to tell her, boy. I will get her back here.” Biting my lip, I completely missed the stairs and jumped onto the porch. Pulling open the screen door, I stuck my head in to see Mom at the stove already. “Hey, I have to run to the city. Do you need anything?”

  “I don’t…”

  Hell, I didn’t even give her any time. I flew to my truck with Ben following, his ears actually perking up and the excitement running through him. “You need to stay right here. I will be back with her.”

  After sliding in, the truck roared to life with the turn of the key and I was headed down the driveway. I didn’t care if I was back tonight or not. I had to tell her. I had to make her see just how much I loved her. There was no way that I was letting her walk away from me again. No way.

  I couldn’t get there fast enough. I couldn’t wait. Becky was absolutely right. I needed to just tell Emmy everything. As the music played through the speakers, my heart jumped into overdrive. I could imagine what she looked like, how she had felt on my lips when I had kissed her. Nothing had ever been so perfect in my life. Nothing had felt like having her for that split moment where everything had just hit so hard and so fast, so complete.

  Parking at Marc’s, the heat pooled into my stomach as I reached into my pocket to make sure that my life was still there. It was and it was ready to come out of that box and slide onto the most perfect finger there ever was. When I had gotten to the door, I knocked and knocked. His car was out front, but he wasn’t answering the door.

  Pressing the doorbell, my heart sank a little, but I wasn’t leaving until I had talked to her. Marc could understand that. Couldn’t he? I mean, we were closer in age and when he had packed up to leave the ranch the day that he had turned eighteen, a part of me had left also. We were not only brothers, but best friends. We stayed best friends, too.

  Nothing. Not a damn answer.

  Maybe they had just gone for a walk. He was taking her out for walks almost every night, but it was a little chilly for that. Mom had mentioned that she had liked to walk along the path by the lake. That was where they had to be. Nothing would be more perfect then to get down on one knee and propose to her right there. I just wouldn’t get back up until she said yes. That was it. That was how it was going to be and I didn’t care how much damn begging I had to do. I was going to make Emmer mine no matter what.

  Heading down the walk, I skipped over the path and headed across the lawn. I had to catch up with them. They couldn’t be too far. I probably just missed them. Still, she tired fast and he wouldn’t keep her out too long anyway. Just as I cleared the corner, my heart stopped suddenly.

  I could feel her close. She was so close….and sitting on his lap. Her eyes were on his and his hand was dug deep into her hair as he pulled her to him. His mouth landed on hers. Just like that, the ground was pulled out from underneath my feet. My heart vacated my chest and ran away, leaving broken pieces trailing behind. My lungs deflated so fast that my head spun as I stumbled backward. No. No, this couldn’t be happening. Emmy…God, Emmy. I lost her. I really did lose her for good. And if that wasn’t bad enough, she was in my brother’s arms. My brother.

  Chapter 25

  ****Past****

  Emmerson

  It was so damn hard not having Jackson at the house. At dinner, the dinner that Paul had managed to make from the frozen meals that Connie had left, I would sit and just watch the empty chair. A few times, my stomach was so sick. I couldn’t even force anything down.

  Curling up in Jackson’s recliner, I felt the separation dig a little deeper. A few times, I had caught Paul talking on the phone with a girl, with Becky, and it hurt, too, but I could tell that there wasn’t much there. More forced than anything. He would never look at me like that anyway. Not Paul, being so much older than I was. There was what, six years between us. But just the w
ay that his body was pressed against mine, that feeling, I wanted that again. I wanted more of that spark.

  “Emmy, phone,” Paul had called out from the kitchen as the sizzling of the meat brought my attention back.

  Rolling off the chair, my heart jumped. Jackson. It had to be Jackson. He always called me. Every night just to say good night. Running into the kitchen, I slid across the floor, almost taking Paul out as I snatched the phone. “Hello?”

  “Emmy-girl, how is your night going?” Jackson’s sweet voice came through, bringing the tears to my eyes. This was the first time since I had been at the ranch that he had been away. Not once had he ever been gone overnight, but this was what they both needed. Connie and Jackson both deserved this.

  “Not bad. When are you coming home?”

  “Next week, Honey. Time will fly and you will be busy with school. I will be back before you know it.” The soothing of him caused my stomach to tighten. A week was a long damn time for him to be gone. Too long. Hell, they had been gone for a week already and I just wanted him to come home.

  “Hey, I finished with the hay. Anything else you need me to do before I head out?” Greg, one of Rob’s friends, walked in with his shoulders slumped. Greg, the one that I had to tutor the most. And still, sometimes, he called for a little help and I obliged. I liked him and he wasn’t a bad guy. Blonde with hazel eyes, taller, but not as tall as Paul. Not as broad as Paul either. When he was a senior, the girls at school were constantly all over him and he did have this cute, boyish grin with the deep dimples. What was there not to like? He just wasn’t my Paul, my best friend.

  “No, that’s all today. Thanks for your help.” Paul chuckled as he flipped the steaks in the pan.

  “Emmy, you just hang in there, Honey, and I will be home before you know it. Okay?” Jackson’s voice came back to me as I stared at the floor.

  “Have fun,” I choked out while holding my tears back.

  “I’m trying. Be good. I will call tomorrow night.”

  As we were saying our long goodbyes, the tear had slipped out and I quickly wiped it away. Having Greg over helping was a blessing. With me being back in school and Rob busy with his online classes, Paul had been left with the majority of the work. Seeing as Greg had only gone to a two year college, he was available and willing to help out.

  “Hey, what are you doing tonight?” Reaching over, Greg nudged my elbow, pulling my attention to him.

  “Nothing,” except for missing Jackson, I added silently.

  “Well, I was wondering if you would want to maybe go to a movie tonight.” Wow, had he just asked me to a movie? Really? What was I supposed to say? I never had a guy ask me out before. But it wasn’t like we weren’t friends. It was just probably because I had helped him out so much when he was in school.

  “That is a no.” Paul grunted as his eyes sharpened on Greg.

  “Come on, Paul. I can just go to the movie. Let me live for once. You know that Jackson won’t let me go on a date.” Maybe if it was Paul taking me, I would really want to go, but it wasn’t. This was Greg asking me. Sure, we talked a bit while we rode through the fields, but there wasn’t anything there. Nothing like having Paul lying on top of me last weekend.

  His jaw tightened as his eyes pulled back their death glare. “Fine, Emmy, fine.”

  “Okay, then. A movie.” Swallowing hard, I pulled back the tears and turned to the living room.

  “I will pick you up at seven.”

  “Sounds good.” A date? No, this couldn’t be. I could go out and do things with my friends, couldn’t I? This was just nothing. Not a damn thing. Besides, when any guy would see my scars, they would walk away and not look back.

  After dinner, I retreated to my room and changed into a pair of nice black pants and a red blouse that I made damn sure was covering the scars on my chest. Letting my hair down, I hadn’t done anything else to it, but what was the point anyway?

  Right at seven, Greg was there and we had gone to the small theater just twenty minutes to the east in the town that was a little larger than ours. They had more there than what we did in ours, including the small theater. As the good guy that he was, he held the door for me, paid for my ticket, and his hand was on my lower back as we waited in line for popcorn.

  “Emmy, thanks for coming out with me. I have been wanting to ask you for a while.” His voice was soft and his cheeks were pink. His hazel eyes shifted over to me as he shrugged a little. “Maybe I can take you out more.”

  “More?” My voice caught in the lump housing in my throat. Was I supposed to feel something; giddiness, butterflies? I had no idea and there wasn’t anything there. Not like there was with Paul.

  “More dates.”

  “This is a date?” His smile slowly fell as the hurt sank into his soft hazels. Guilt hit me so strong. Maybe I should just try. Hell, Jackson wouldn’t allow it anyway. No way would that man ever let me go on another date. This just worked out that Jackson wasn’t home and I hoped that he didn’t find out about it either. “Not that I wasn’t wanting it to be, I just wasn’t sure.”

  “I was hoping, Emmy. I like you.” There, that brought that sweet smile back to his face. It would have to work out this way. Greg was a sweetheart and Rob never had any juicy stories about him as the others I had tutored.

  “Okay.” The knot tightened in my stomach as I stepped a little closer to him. I had to. I had to get my mind off Paul and get those feelings back to normal. They shouldn’t be like that. Paul shouldn’t be the one that made me feel something so strong. Greg, he was okay. He was good.

  We had gotten a large bag of popcorn and two sodas, which Greg paid for even though I fought my hardest to. He did pay for the tickets. Walking me into the theater, he let me choose the seats and I picked the middle. Placing the napkin on my knee, he smiled and sat beside me.

  “Paul, it’s Emmy and Greg.” Becky’s annoying perfect voice came through the theater that had a few others in, but not many. That was good. I hated a lot of people, anyway. “Greg, I didn’t know that you were home.”

  “I just got back a few weeks ago. I wanted to finish the summer with the shop before moving back. How are you doing?” His eyes shifted over to Paul, passing him a polite hello being surprised to see him there.

  “Not bad. Just busy at work like usual. You two enjoy your movie.” Taking a step, Paul grumbled as he pointed to the row behind us.

  My heart flew in my chest. He had brought a date to the movies also? And her; Becky? I heard about her all the time from Rob and Connie and how perfect she was for Paul. I still didn’t like her. She was annoyingly perfect. Not to count, pretty with her lofty light brown waves and her soft greenish-brown eyes. And then there were her skirts, her suits, and her fabulous designer clothes. Of course she could wear low cut tops like those with her flawless skin. Damn, I really hated her.

  “Maybe tomorrow we can go for a ride. I know this great place…”

  “There’s too much to do tomorrow.” Paul hissed as his knee pressed into the back of Greg’s seat, bumping him forward a little.

  “Paul, leave them alone.” Smiling, Becky curled up under his arm as she reached for the popcorn.

  Forcing a deep breath, I rested back in the seats and the lights dimmed. As the movie started, Greg nudged my arm softly as he leaned closer to me, earning a loud grunt from behind. “I think that you will really like this. I heard that it’s pretty funny.”

  Nodding, I picked out some popcorn and then glanced back at Paul. Becky was so perfect on his arm, but his eyes were fixed on me. Then again, he was just doing what Jackson had told him to do. Watch me like a hawk.

  Half way through the movie, I shivered a little and Greg put his arm around me, his hand staying clear of the danger zones, and shifted a little closer. Just as I turned to say something about the movie, I saw his head cranked to the other side and Paul leaning over the seat. Nodding, he withdrew his arm and moved away. Rolling my eyes, I grabbed a handful of popcorn and dropped a bunch int
o Greg’s lap. This was unbelievable. Knowing my luck with Jackson and Paul, I would die a virgin and it wasn’t fair. I was eighteen.

  When it was finally over, we had gotten to the door and sheets of rain were coming down. Handing me the bag of leftover popcorn, Greg smiled and pulled his keys out of his pocket. “Just stay here and I will pull my truck up.”

  “Thanks, but I don’t mind getting wet. It’s fine.” Taking his hand, I pulled us out the door and into the downpour. Running through the parking lot, I laughed as the rain soaked into my blouse. Greg jammed the key into the passenger door and pulled it open. Getting in, I wiped the hair back from my face while watching him get in behind the wheel. “That was the best.”

  “You are so free and amazing, Emmy. I am really glad that we did this.” Starting the truck, he turned the knob to the warm side while letting the truck idle. “I have a jacket in the back…”

  “I’m fine.” Shivering a little, I pulled my arms close to my body. Soon, the truck would be warm enough to get the chill off.

  “You are really beautiful.” Leaning over the console, his laughter faded as the warm smile spread over his face. “I haven’t been on hardly any dates, but this by far, is the best one.”

  “Hardly any dates? Come on. You were a god in school. All the girls were drooling over you.”

  “All of them? Including you?” Raking his bottom lip through his teeth, his eyes shifted down to my lips. My heart jumped a little, but nothing like I had thought it was supposed to.

  “I looked, but then again, I was your friend already.” And it was the truth. I had made so many friends that year with the girls begging me to introduce them to Greg. I didn’t see anything special about him. He could throw a football, but nothing that screamed the greatest athlete ever. He was just a good guy.

  “Yes, you were.” Leaning in a little closer, he was just about to kiss me when his eyes shifted up to the passenger window and he pulled back. A curse spilled from his lips as he unlocked the door with the switch on his handle.