Emmerson's Heart Page 17

  Ugh, I really needed to go out and do….something. It had been so long that I had been with a woman, too long in fact. That’s where all these thoughts were coming from. The last time that I had picked up a woman for the night, Emmy had barged into the bar looking for me and she had seen me out back. Yeah, try and explain that one as she was giving me that look of complete hurt. What could I tell her? Not to be like that woman, but it was okay for me to want that kind of woman? I would absolutely kill any man that had used her just to satisfy his needs like I had done with what’s-her-face. No, I just needed to take my chance with Becky and get these thoughts about Emmy out of my damn mind. She was supposed to be my sister-like for crissakes.

  “You are the one that disobeyed me! How can you even think that this is right?” The thump inside had echoed, causing Ben to lift his head a little. “As I said, over my dead body!”

  “Jackson, you are being….”

  Hell, Mom hadn’t even been able to finish her sentence when Emmy jerked her head out from the rungs and looked back at me with her eyes opened wide and the fear sinking in deep.

  “She is not! She is my daughter!”

  Within a blink of my eye, Emmer had her body up on those feet and Ben turned to give her full access to his back. She had flown over the railing so fast that I was shocked that she hadn’t tripped. Instead, she had landed on Ben’s back as the bear came out of the den, charging after her. Jumping from my chair, my heart stopped hard when he had caught her arm before she was able to take off on her knight in shining dark gray fur.

  Tugging her off the back, he flipped her over his shoulder and took her right into the house before she had the chance to fight back. Following, my stomach turned as he brought her straight to the couch and then put her down. His chest was heaving as the anger and rage was flowing through his veins. The last time that I had ever seen him like that, in that deep of a rage, he had beat her father within an inch of that man’s life.

  “What in the hell are you thinking?” His dark eyes narrowed in on her, making her cringe a little.

  “Dad, just…” I had to stop him. I still had no idea what she had done this time to earn his wrath, but she was getting it.

  “I was going to take Ben out for a little….” Leaning forward, she went to get up when his hand came out to stop her. Biting her bottom lip, her eyes shifted over to me before they landed back to my mom. “How come you told him?”

  “Emmy, I didn’t tell him. Your doctor called.” Rubbing her forehead, she dropped her hands. “He doesn’t understand.”

  “Like hell I don’t! You are just giving her the okay to go out and have sex! She is my damn daughter!” His rage intensified, making my mom jump back a little.

  “Whoa!” Looking at Emmy, my heart sank hard. Sex? No. Not my little Emmer. Not my Tyke. Jealousy hit me hard as I felt myself rising to my dad’s rage. Who in the hell would ever be good enough to deserve her? Certainly not anyone that I know of. And who the hell had she wanted to sleep with, anyway? What in the hell was this all about? “What in the hell are you thinking?”

  “You two are unreal.” Shaking her head, she plopped back into the cushions and instead of getting mad, she laughed. She had actually laughed. When my dad gets mad, and that raging mad, you do not laugh at him. “God, Jackson. I was talking with the doctor on my last appointment about birth control. It’s no big deal.”

  “No….” His fingers thrusted through his hair and I could actually hear some being ripped out of his scalp. “No big deal! Emmerson!” Her name ripped through his throat, making her laugh harder. “Like hell you will ever leave this house again! You are going to start home schooling!”

  “No, Jackson, you are being…” Just as Mom stepped forward, Dad’s eyes hit her knocking her back into me.

  “Why in the hell do you think that I am going to stand back and let some punk ass kid use her like that? Huh? She will NOT leave this house!” Red pooled in his face, eating his tanned skin down to his neck. Nope, this rage certainly topped the rage that he had held that night with her father. “What the hell are you thinking, Emmy!?”

  “First of all, the doctor said that it would help regulate my periods. That’s the only reason why I want it. I’m tired of it being all over the place.” Jumping up, she ignored his warning and stood toe to toe with him. All of her five-foot-five to his six-four. Her shoulders were back and her jaw was set firm. “And secondly, if something ever happened, I would rather be smart and double protected. Isn’t that what you taught me, Jackson? You automatically jump to the conclusion that I want to go out and have sex, but I don’t want to. I am happy with just hanging out here and I want to work with more horses. I just don’t want to be out there and be like….oh no. I got my period. I’m just going to have to bleed all over until we get back to the house.”

  “Stop! Stop! I don’t want to hear about….”

  “Like last month. We were stuck out in the field with that…”

  “Emmy!”

  “It was like bam, I had my period and I wasn’t even protected because I had it three weeks earlier. Talk about un….”

  “Emmerson!”

  “…prepared. I mean, wow. Was that a total shocker? So, I talked to Connie because that’s what you want me to start doing, right? I didn’t want to come to you about it, because well….” She looked him over, taking a step closer to him; her chest coming against his as the anger grew inside of him. “You can see why. And we talked to my doctor and he suggested that it would be a good idea.”

  “How dare you even get it!? You are my little girl!”

  “I’m still your little girl and I will always be your little girl. Just not the one that bleeds all over because that bitch of mother nature shit came sneaking up on me again.” And then she swore on top of it. If that wasn’t enough to send that man into a fit like we had never seen before was shocking. I didn’t know whether to grab him and hold him back or just grab her and take off running. “I am just doing what you taught me to do. Instead of hiding, I talked to Connie about this issue, seeing as….I must have made the wrong decision because I think that you are having your period right now. I do have some tampons….”

  Oh no! She didn’t just poke the bear. Oh god, she would never be allowed out of the house now. Hell, we four boys never had enough guts to stand up to him like that. We were smarter than that.

  His death glare shot to me as he charged toward me. Cupping my mom’s shoulders, I moved her in front of me for a shield. Talk about a coward, but he was in his fit of a rampage and he would never take it out on Emmy, not on his life. On mine, though, he wouldn’t think twice. I was a man and I could fight for myself. Never would he touch a hair on Emmy’s golden head. “You stay here and make that sale! I have to go in and beat this doctor!”

  “Jackson, do you even hear….” Mom tried again, but his glare had turned to her, silencing her. “You will do no such thing. He is doing his job.”

  “Like hell he is! He has his hands on her!” Pointing at Emmy only made her laugh harder. Hell, she had known what his temper could do. I did only because I had seen the destruction first hand. “Don’t you EVER tell me what I will or will not do!”

  “Jackson, he gives me my physicals. I am sure that your doctor does the same thing to you and Connie’s not upset about that.” Sliding her hand into his, she tugged him back and brought his attention back to that smile on her face. “Would you rather me not be protected in a heat of passion and come home pregnant from a guy who just wanted to get his rocks off?”

  Oh god, Emmy. You did not just say that. Gritting my teeth, I felt the anger rising inside of me. If that were to ever happen, I would beat the son of a bitch down.

  His jaw tightened to the point where the pulse was beating out of his neck as his eyes stayed on her. Instead of charging at her like I had expected him to do with her horrifying comment, his teeth clamped together as the growl came from him. He backed down. He had actually backed down from her. “Go change your shirt b
ecause I am taking you myself.”

  While stepping forward, Mom sucked in a deep breath. “Jackson….”

  “I’m not talking to you right now. Don’t even say anything to me!” With a shake of his head, he stormed into the kitchen, letting the screen door slap behind him.

  Emmy fell back onto the couch, laughing as she looked at me. “God, he’s such a big baby.”

  “You shouldn’t have said anything to him, Emmer.” Sucking in a deep breath myself, I rested my hands on my hips as I looked at my mom. “You know how he is with her.”

  “I know. I know. I tried to get the phone from him, but when it comes to her, that man loses his mind.” Her eyes shifted over to Emmy as she shook her head. “You better go and get ready. We have to go.”

  “I don’t see why it’s a big deal.” Pouting, she pulled herself up from the couch and looked at me with those doe eyes. “Paul, you can understand, right?”

  “Hey, I am against this as much as he is.” And I was. I didn’t want the thought of what another man could do with her, how he could be touching her. Hell, she was far too good and true to be used by guys like my two brothers and me. Emmy went through too much in her life already, experienced more pain and suffering than anyone should. Getting used would only hurt her more.

  “I know about sex. I’m not stupid.”

  “How do you know?” Mom cleared her throat as she eyed Emmy, waiting for an answer. I knew how Emmy had known the truth about sex and it was with two of my brothers. Marc and Rob hadn’t held back any of their conversations around her at all, not for the fact that she had asked me also, but at least I was honest with her. God, if my dad found out she knew all about sex, it would send him into an early grave, along with Rob and Marc.

  “I read, Connie.” Rolling her eyes, she headed to the hall and disappeared into her bedroom.

  “I just don’t know about him sometimes.” Mom turned to me with her eyes softening. “He just….when it comes to her, it’s like he just loses his mind.”

  “He just looks at her like his own daughter. She is amazing, Mom.” Tipping my head, I felt the rush shoot through me. Emmerson Cogwell was something very amazing and I had to start keeping my mind around her. I needed to just take some time away from her and remember that she was supposed to be like a sister to me and nothing more.

  Chapter 17

  ****Present****

  Dad’s memorial was held today so that Emmy could be a part of it. I knew that she hadn’t wanted to go, but she was obliging. Becky had spent the extra time on Emmy’s hair, getting it to lay with a slight flip up in the back that I had liked so well. Once again, I had refused to let her walk out of the house with those scars covered. She wasn’t going to. They were a part of her and there was no way that anyone would ever say that she was ugly. Not one. A little makeup, but that was it. Hiding that beauty that she had was the only thing that had made her look ugly. The only thing.

  Rob, Will, and Marc all had on crisp white collared dress shirts, black jeans, and black cowboy hats in Dad’s honor; his favorite get-up. I had even worn one also, but I hadn’t looked near as striking as my brothers did. The hat just wasn’t me. At the church, Mom had fussed with Emmy’s simple black dress that had covered her shoulders and her chest. Plain, but Emmy hadn’t complained or fussed about wearing one. Maybe Mom was finally getting her wish.

  I looked over at her standing by the large photo of my father standing by his beloved horse, Elk. He had been smiling and so full of life. It was hard not seeing him at the dinner table or out on his horse at all. I still missed the hell out of that stubborn jackass. I missed the ranting and the raving only to have his “little girl” be the one to put him in his place each time. Like I had said, a six-foot-four man that was always brought down by a five-foot-five girl. And as Mr. Andrews had said, she had reminded my dad of himself so much, that was why he loved the hell out of that girl. He loved her so much that he had done himself to his death just to protect her.

  Hell, Greg was over by her talking and she hadn’t even heard one word that he had said. Nothing. Not a damn thing. All she was doing was staring at my Dad with those tears in her eyes, that pain deep in her heart. Greg’s hand rested on her back as he leaned in to give her a kiss on the cheek. It had pissed me off. I wanted to just go over there and punch him in the face for touching her. No one had the right to kiss her, not that cheek. No one was even close to being worthy enough to do so.

  The past week, she had been different. Different to Rob, to Will, even to Mom. And me, she hadn’t said one word to me. Not a one. If she had even looked at me, I wasn’t even sure of it. She was pulling away from us. Common, from what I understood, but this was not Emmy, not my Emmy. It honestly scared me. Every night, I had left my place to go and check on her and last night, I about lost it. She wasn’t in her room and Ben wasn’t outside of her window like the faithful dog-horse was. The two of them were down in the barn, nestled in the straw bed at the end. He was lying down and she was cuddled right up to him, sobbing. It had been a good two hours that she had cried and cried herself to sleep. That was when I didn’t have the heart to take her back to the house. I let her sleep. Of course, I had gone in by them to hold her left hand and cried the rest of the night for her.

  As the service went on, my eyes were on her a lot while ignoring the loveliness and perfectionist that had been so faithful to me on my left. I think that Becky had seen it too. She knew that my heart would never be fully hers. Reaching over, she had taken my hand into hers and gave me a little squeeze. The tears were in her eyes partly for my dad, but mostly because she knew that it wouldn’t go past today, this moment with her. And I did love her for it.

  “Is there anyone that would like to say anything today?” Pastor Don had asked as he quickly dried one of his own tears.

  Mr. Andrews had stood, holding his black cowboy hat that he had saved for special occasions, and offered to speak. As he went up, his hand sat on my shoulder as he passed. Going to the front, he cleared his throat and looked over everyone. “I just wanted to say…Jackson and I were...He was my best friend, a brother to me. I never did understand why he had taken the one that I had run after for so many years from me, but I know now.” His eyes sat on Mom, making her cry a little more. “Connie, he was the best one for you and I loved the hell out of him for being the man that he was to you. He loved you so much and all five of his children that you had given to him. You made every dream of his come true.”

  His eyes turned to me as he nodded slightly. “Paul, he was damn proud of you. Damn proud. You are just like him, son, and don’t ever think that you’re not. I have seen him inside of you since you were little. The night that you had done what you did, I never saw a man more proud of…” his voice trailed off as he tipped his head. “What you had become.

  Going to Marc, he smiled. “You were the little fire ball, but damn it, if he wasn’t proud of you for going on with your dreams and never think that he was angry that you had left the ranch. He was so happy for you, though it didn’t seem like it many times, but he was.

  The tears had filled his eyes as he shifted to Will and Rob. “You two, he done told me that after you two, there was no more. No more kids. Been enough hellions on his ranch.” Chuckling, he tipped his head to each one. “You two had made that man laugh when I didn’t think that he could. Will, he knows that your heart is tossed between the ranch and the beyond, but he would tell you that you need to do what makes you happy. And Rob, well…” He scratched the back of his head. “Rob…what can I say about you? You stole my tractor.”

  Rob chuckled a little as he put his arm around Emmy’s shoulders. “Twice, old man.”

  “By golly, boy.” He pressed his lips together and nodded painfully. “He was damn proud of you, too. Each of you boys, he held that fact as if it were the riches of the world right here.” When he had turned to Emmy, the tears had rolled from his eyes. “Angel, sweet angel. There is so much of him inside of you that I feel like I am back in hi
gh school with my best friend some days. Sitting with you in the hospital made me see just how damn lucky he was to have you brought into his family. He never regretted anything, Emmy-girl. Not once. He would do everything all over again if given the chance to change the past.”

  She let out a few sobs as Marc pulled her close to him and Mom had rubbed her arm while smiling through her own tears.

  “This life that Jackson Huck shared with us has made this town pull together in the time of need and fight like hell when there wasn’t anything else to do. He is the heart of our town here and always has been…always will be. He gave us all a hand when we had needed it, come to our rescue when we called no matter the time of day. Our town will always miss him, but he has blessed us with his family here to carry on his memories.” Nodding, he walked back around and went back to his seat.

  Turning around, I found those watery greens of his and nodded a thank you. Listening to ten others sharing stories, we all were crying. It was hard. It was harder each minute. After having to bury him with just us and then to say goodbye again, it had brought back the pain that he was no longer going to be back on his ranch, the land that he had loved.

  “If there is no…” Pastor Don cleared his throat and Emmy had stood up.

  “I would like to say something.” Her legs were shaking and the water was streaming down her face.

  “Honey, do you want me to come up there with you?” Mom braced her arm, holding her steady.

  “No, I can do it. I need to.” Slowly and painfully, Emmy had walked up and not one person had cringed while waiting for her. Turning to the podium, she braced her arms on it to try and hold herself up. Her eyes had come up so bright and so electrifying, my heart pulverized my chest. The lump filled thickly blocking my throat. Becky’s hand tightened on mine as the other had held my arm to keep me from going up and getting her. She didn’t need to say anything. Nothing.