Emmerson's Heart Read online

  The lump filled in my throat so large, I could barely breathe. He was planning to do something and now that he found my stash, I would pay even more. What went on in our house, stayed in our house. That was why he never left marks where anyone would see them. It was so no one would get the idea something else was going on under his roof.

  “You’re a little thief now, aren’t you?” His hand slammed down on my face with those chips so hard, the gush from my nose told me that it had to be bleeding instantly. Grinding the chips into my skin made me want to cry out in pain, but I learned doing so only made it worse. It was hard keeping quiet while someone physically hurt you. But it was something else I learned pretty quickly while living like this. Laying there and taking what he had to offer was better than getting it twice as bad. But, Monday at school, after school actually, I would talk to Paul. He had to be my safe bet. He was the oldest and he would help me. Jackson, Will’s dad, scared the hell out of me. He was bigger than my dad and he could do a lot more than what mine could. It was best not to say anything to him. Yes, Paul was my best bet.

  The pressure on my teeth was enough to give me an instant headache. Any second now, they would break. How would I explain that one? That was clearly something that would raise red flags instantly. It wasn’t long he held his hand there. He thought of the same thing. At least, the chips I could wash off.

  Grabbing a fist full of my hair, he forced me to roll over on my stomach. When his hand released my hair, it went to the back of my tee shirt and with a sharp tug, he ripped it and bared my whole back. I could do this. I could handle this. He would just hit me a few times and that would be it. Then, on Monday, I would talk to Paul when I went over there after school.

  The sharp bite of the leather belt came down so hard, I whimpered as I bit down on my bottom lip—so hard that I drew blood. Over and over until he was bored. With each slap of the leather, that mocking, cocky laugh came. The harder he swung that belt, the more he enjoyed it all.

  And that was just the start of it. That was the week I missed school and no one ever knew or care that I wasn’t there. I did hear him on the phone telling someone that I was sick with the flu and I had to be home resting. Yeah, resting in between beatings, cuttings, and pure torture.

  Getting up out of my bed, I felt the heaviness in my chest. I hated this time of year for the fact, I had to remember that week. I had to remember that time he found out I was stealing food to survive. It was bad enough going through a holiday again, which I hated, but I was getting used to them now. I liked the Hucks’ style of holiday more than the ones spent with my father. And Jackson made me come out to each and every one of them. At least they hadn’t found out they missed my birthday this year. I couldn’t wait until that day came and went. It was the first birthday I could remember that wasn’t filled with pain.

  Going out to the living room, I looked around at the neat and tidy order Connie had taken in the house. Well, that was her job as she explained it to me and offered to let me help her with the house chores. But as I tried dusting, I got lost at the window to the yard where more was going on. Something was always going on outside and I would rather be out there seeing what it all was about than dusting.

  Just like always, the blanket was draped over the back of the couch perfectly and everything was back in its place for the night.

  The dining room and the kitchen were filled with the scent of cleaning products she would use to keep everything clean. Once again, something she offered to show me and let me help her with, but I was always poking my head outside to see where Paul was and what he was doing. There was a reason for everything he was doing and I liked how he let me help him all the time. Even when I got just disgusting. I even scooped poop from the barn, and he let me. He stood there watching as he laughed, but I did it. Always a reason for something. Just because it might be gross or sticky, there was a reason why it needed to be done.

  Grabbing my new jacket off the rack by the door, I slipped it on. It was midnight and I should be sleeping, but tonight, this very night a year ago, was the reason why I couldn’t. Jackson told me over and over to not be afraid and wake him if I needed to talk. I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want them to know what happened. I just wanted to be somewhere where the memories would just leave me alone.

  As best as I could, I opened the door and slipped out into the thirty-degree unusual weather. Running to the road that Paul’s house sat on, I hesitated for a minute. I could go there—he never locked his door. I could slip in there and sleep on his couch. But, I just….I didn’t want him to know how much this affected me tonight. It was him who found me after the week I paid my dues for stealing. And if it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t have been alive.

  Going to the barn, I curled up on the hay bales in the corner and listened to the soft mutters of the few horses that were actually inside. Something that was actually more calming to me now. Peaceful. My eyes were getting heavy, but I knew once I closed them, I would be haunted with those memories again.

  “Emmy?” Jackson’s voice drifted through the lulls, making me jump. I knew what he said about sneaking out, but I just didn’t have the heart to wake him. Maybe I was scared to still, but someday that fear would subdue and I would be able to disrupt his sleep.

  Instead of talking me back to the house, he quietly took a seat next to me and rested his head back against the barn wall. And we just sat there, listening to the sweet dreams of the horses and the happiness that filled that barn.

  “The time I knew that my end was coming was when my dad came in with a switch. I don’t remember what I did, but I knew he was mad. Hell, he could barely walk straight.” My heart slammed as those pain filled words poured from his lips. I could just feel the hurt radiating from him as he let out his breath. “He was so drunk and I can’t tell you a day that I remember him being sober. I was….six….Maybe. He grabbed me by the hair and pulled me out of bed. It was the reason why I could never have my hair cut short. He needed something to grab hold of. He dragged me through the house and finally dropped me in the kitchen at my mom’s feet. I remember her slippers were pink and a cigarette was hanging out of her mouth. She cursed me and stepped on my hands to hold me still as she took her cigarette and dropped it down my shirt. I remember trying to move to get it out, but she wouldn’t ease up on my hands. Then, she took her hot coffee and poured it over my back. When I screamed, my dad took that switch and slapped me across where she had poured that hot coffee.”

  “Did you cry?” I choked out, feeling the heaviness sink deeper. How could a mom and a dad do something like that. I knew just what my father was capable of, but I had no idea what my mother was like. She died way before I could remember, but I knew it still angered my dad that she was gone. Then again, he told me I was the reason she committed suicide.

  “I was in so much pain, I don’t think I could if I wanted to.”

  “Did you tell anyone?”

  “Mr. Martin Andrews had come to the house for something about work because my dad worked at his ranch and he saw the mess. He saw me laying under the table like I was just right along with the other trash in the house. Hell, they never even took the trash out. It was so disgusting and they tossed me right there with it. Right under the kitchen table. All I can really remember was Mr. Andrews threatening them before he walked out with me. I just ended up living with him and his son, George.”

  Falling into his side, I cried as hard as I could. His arm wrapped around me as the few sobs came from him.

  “Emmy, I will never let anything like this ever happen to you again. I am so sorry I didn’t see it before. I am so sorry, Honey.” His other arm came round as he pulled me tight to him, letting his pain and hurt come out and drown out the lulls. “Seeing you like that….I can’t….God, I am so sorry I let it go that far. I am so sorry, Emmy. I didn’t see it earlier and I should have. I should have seen it way before. I should have stepped in sooner. I am so sorry, Emmy, but I promise that I will protect you with my
life. I will.”

  “He found out I was stealing Will’s lunches.” As I curled into his arms, I finally told him everything that happened in that week. A few times, he cried harder while listening to me, but he let me tell him. He told me his secret of what happened when he thought he would never see another day and I wanted to tell him mine. It was something I never shared with anyone, but I had to. Seeing that he went through the same thing, held the same kind of secret as I did, I understood him a little more and loved him a whole lot more.

  Chapter 11

  ****Present****

  Paul

  Two in the morning. Who in the hell was calling? Like hell I was going to answer. I had to be up in a few hours to begin chores and take care of that damn horse of hers. Again. Last night had been nothing but a reminder of the very day that he had come to the ranch. The piss in him was coming back out and not one of us could control him. When I saw her next, I would throttle the life out of her.

  Hitting the silence button, I rolled over and felt Becky’s body warmth, and snuggled tightly under the heavy down comforter. My stomach clenched tightly as the scent of her shampoo drifted in the air. At least she was predictable and didn’t give me a headache every ten minutes. Not like Emmerson. Completely not like Emmerson at all. Becky was what I needed, wanted. Had been for some years now.

  And I had no idea why Emmerson hated Becky so much. Becky had been nothing but nice to her and didn’t mind that Emmy hung out with us a few times. The last straw was the attitude at Thanksgiving. I had it with her, with Emmerson. If she wanted to be my friend, she had to understand that I would be with Becky, but yet, she didn’t respect that at all. Of all the shit that girl had pulled, that I had covered up, she had the nerve to tell me that I wasn’t being fair to her? When had I not been fair to her? I was just sick of it, sick of her crap. Even Becky had tried telling me that I was too hard on Emmerson, but Becky hadn’t known all the stuff that the girl had caused.

  No, I had to push Emmerson away. My life was always dropped when it had come to her. Then, to have my dad ask me if I had feelings for her? That was the eye opener there. Emmy was a sister to me, that was it. That was all that she could be to me. I had crossed the lines when I had kissed her and I knew that I had. The way that she had looked at me with those large and widened aqua eyes of hers, I knew that I had really screwed up. It wasn’t just embarrassing, it was humiliating. It was downright heartbreaking seeing that look, seeing that I had these feelings for her that made me want so much more with her and all she had seen me as was her brother. Pushing her away was the best thing that I could do. It was the one thing that I had to do.

  My life was with Becky. It had to be. That was why I had bought that damn ring. Even before Emmy had come into our lives, I had wanted Becky. Now that I had her, I couldn’t let her go. It was the one way to keep me from making a complete and utter fool to my family and to Emmy again. And I would make everything right to Becky. I did love her. Always have.

  The phone rang again. This time, I silenced it right away. Becky was sleeping and I didn’t want to wake her. I had kept her up talking too long as it was and she had to go to work in the morning. What was there not to like about Becky? She was perfect. Her body was long and slender, her skin flawless and soft, and her hair was a chestnut that shimmered with the silkiness. It was never a pissing contest with her on who was better. Nope. It was easy and she was always happy.

  It rang again. Cursing, I snatched it off the nightstand and answered it. “Whatever the hell you want, you better tell me now.”

  “Dude, it’s Rob.”

  What the hell? Rob knew what time I had gotten up. And it wasn’t like he couldn’t wait to talk to me tomorrow. I would see him in the barn first thing. “I don’t freaking care. Dude, go screw her, play with her, or leave her. Just don’t bother me.” Just before I hung up, he gasped a little.

  “Listen to me. Dad went to go and drag Emmy back for Christmas…”

  “He needs to stop running to her every time that she throws her little temper tantrums. She’s being a little stuck up bitch, Rob. God, I don’t need this. I don’t. I quit. Have the ranch. He wants to keep running to her, then let him have her. I am done. I can work at Becky’s dad’s ranch and not have the damn headache that girl gives me. I don’t even want to see her anyway.” Slipping out of the bed, I dug my jeans out of the pile of clothing and slipped them on. “Dude, she’s a damn nuisance and I should have left her to fend for herself that night instead of saving her ass.”

  “You don’t mean that, Paul.”

  “I do. She has been nothing but a damn thorn in my side. I just…hate her. I have my own life starting now and she will not be a part of it. She can whine and cry all she wants, but I just don’t want anything to do with her. I’m done. I’m out. You guys take my share. If it means never to see her again, I will walk away, sign everything over to the three of you, and never deal with her again.”

  “Emmy’s….”

  “I do not care, Rob. I do not. Get it through your head. I do not care if she died tomorrow. I don’t. I am sharing my life with Becky and nothing will ever stop me.”

  A loud curse came from him. “I hope you eat every single one of those words, you fucking prick. Sign the shit over and get the hell out. And by the way, they don’t know if she will live or not. She’s in critical care right now and Dad didn’t make it. Merry Christmas and have fucking happy life.”

  My heart stopped as I looked at the phone. He had hung up and it had flashed that I had three missed calls from my mom. Choosing to hear the first voicemail, I entered in my password and pressed the phone to my ear.

  “Paul…” Yes, that was my mom with the most painful voice ever. “It’s mom. Um…there’s been an accident….um…I need you to…” The sobs came out as the phone was muffled. “Um…Honey, your dad…” she cried hard. “Your dad…Emmy….Oh god!” The cry tore through my heart as I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks.

  Hanging up, I slipped back into the bedroom and dressed into my shirt and sweatshirt as fast as I could. My phone rang again and my mom’s name had come up. Answering it as fast as I could, I held it to my ear as I sat on the side of the bed. “Mom, I’m sorry.”

  “Oh god, Paul. He’s gone! He’s gone!” She cried as hard as she could. “Emmy’s….Emmy’s….”

  “Mom, just slow down and take a deep breath.” My chest clenched even harder, taking the air from my lungs. If she had died after what I had said, I would never be able to live with myself. I was a prick.

  “Emmy’s….they don’t see her making it much longer, Honey. She’s bad…she’s so bad.”

  “Mom, are you at the house? I’m on my way, Mom.” Standing up, I brushed the tears off my cheek and looked at Becky sitting on the bed holding the comforter to her chest. Rolling those big brown eyes of her, she shook her head and laid back down.

  “They told us to come. They told us to come and say goodbye! How can I? She….he….Paul…”

  “I’m on my way, Mom. I will be right there.” Hanging up, I tried to suck in a deep breath, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t breathe. This wasn’t happening. Christmas was next week, the time of year that Emmy had just loved now because of our family. “I have to go…”

  “Paul? What’s wrong?” She jumped up on the bed and wrapped her arms around me, letting her silk nightgown strap fall over her shoulder. “What happened?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t.” Crying into her shoulder, I let her just hold me for a while not caring if I had looked like a six-foot-three baby. My dad was gone and Emmy probably wouldn’t make it through the night. Oh, my Emmy. My Tyke. How could I ever hate her? All she wanted and had saw me as was the one that saved her life, her best friend. Hell, I wasn’t even mad at her. It was killing me that she wouldn’t return any of my texts or calls. I would never admit that to Becky, but it was. I missed my friend. I missed my spunky headache.

  “Let me throw something on and I will take you over to the house.” L
etting me go, she pulled on her black jeans and pulled a sweater on over her nightgown and walked me to the door. Helping me get my coat on, she smiled as she brushed the tears off my face. “Baby, it will be okay. Cry, cry all you want. I am right here.”

  Nodding, I felt the pain sinking in a little more. My poor Emmy. If they had told my mom to come into the hospital now, the girl wasn’t going to be good. I just hoped that she would hang on so that I could at least tell her how sorry I was.

  The snow was so deep, but yet Becky drove my truck over to the ranch and pulled right up by the house. Shoving the passenger door open, I ran inside, leaving her there. She knew the way in. I had to see what happened. I had to see how Emmy was doing.

  My mom was dressed in a pair of blue sweatpants and a parka with her head tucked in her hands and the tears just draining from her eyes. Rob was leaning against the counter with the pain and the anger deep in his eyes. I was surprised that he hadn’t come with his fists drawn at me after what I had said to him. His shirt was buttoned crooked and his jeans were stained with the muck from this morning’s chores. Will had come around the corner, wearing a pair of green pants with a purple shirt and his hair all messed up.

  “Anyone get hold of Marc?” Biting my lip, I sat my hands on Mom’s shaking shoulders and pressed my lips to the top of her head.

  “He’s at the hospital now. They closed off the highway so we can’t go.” Rob’s dark eyes turned at me. “Best go home, Brother. Sorry to have bothered you. Go on back to your happy life without her.”

  “Hey, I was just pissed….”

  “No, you meant it.” Nodding, he dropped his keys on the table and walked out of the house.

  “I didn’t.” Looking over at the tears in Becky’s eyes, I knew that she had heard what I had said.

  The phone rang and Mom jumped. Picking up the phone, she pressed it to her ear. “Hello?” Covering her mouth, she had tipped her head and cried. “Yes….okay….Everyone is here.” Taking the phone from her ear, she pressed the speaker button. “Marc?”