Emmerson's Heart Read online

  At first, it had scared the hell out of me. With my dad, it was just him. One person to cut me, use me as a punching bag, or play whip the kid with something to see what kind of mark it left. Now, I had six people there. Six people were around on the holidays and I hid in my room. When Paul had actually dragged me from my room, I just sat there crying, waiting for the pain to come. But with the Hucks, it never did. Four years and I had loved it ever since. But this Christmas, I think that I would rather be with my dad, knowing what kind of pain that would be coming. At least those scars would heal and I would be able to hide them with clothing. Internal scars were the ones that nothing could cover up, nothing would hide those.

  “You didn’t have to bust in there like a caveman and carry me over your shoulder.” Thank the heavens that the majority of the dorm kids were already gone only to leave a few procrastinators, like me, there. Still, I was sure that Jackson’s barbaric actions would be spread around the school and when I returned, I would be known as the scarred ugly chick in room two-oh-one that had her barbaric dad come in to drag her ugly ass home. Nothing like getting more attention drawn upon me.

  “You left me no choice. I was coming back to the ranch with you anyway that I had to. You are just lucky that I didn’t bring the rope in and hog-tie you just for giggles.” Chuckling, he shifted a little in his seat; slowing slightly as the snow blew harder, whitewashing the road ahead. We had a good hour to go yet and the weather was getting worse by the mile. Maybe I should have just gone home this morning when Connie had called again. Then again, there wasn’t anything that was supposed to be hitting us this soon.

  “Maybe we should turn back and…”

  “Oh, no. You are coming home, Honey.” Reaching over, he put his hand on top of mine and smiled. “I am glad that you came into our family, Emmy. You are my little girl. It would break my heart if you weren’t there.”

  Oh that had gotten me. Each time that he had taken me into his den for a yelling, I knew that it had broken his heart to yell at me. I could see it inside of him, but nothing that he had ever said was wrong. Nothing. Of course he was concerned for my safety. I was a girl where the boys could take care of themselves. He was the overprotective dad that I never had. With my real one, I needed protection from him and I was surprised that I had actually stayed alive that long.

  “I know that you had your heart set on staying at the ranch. I can understand that, but you need to do this. You need to live outside of the ranch for a little bit. As we already talked about it, it is just this year and then you can come back and finish online like Rob did.”

  “Why are you so worried about me going off to college? I was fine at the ranch and I didn’t mind the work at all.” Biting my lip, I looked out the passenger window and knew that we would be heading up the hill pretty soon. Once we had gotten over that, then we would be on a straight shot back to town. With the way the road was whitewashed, I wouldn’t be able to rest until that time came.

  He shifted a little more uncomfortably in the seat as he sighed heavily. “Emmy, you’re the little girl who I will always protect with my life. Always. I know what you came from and I will never let anything ever hurt you like that again. I just can’t stand back and see you hurt.”

  “If you are so worried with me spending a year at school, then why didn’t you just let me stay there? I was fine just being there.” And I was. I didn’t have to see the one person that I had loved with my whole heart propose to someone else. It hurt too much knowing Becky would be there with Paul, sitting on his knee, him giving her those little kisses. What could I say? How could I stand beside that and watch that when it hurt so damn bad? “I didn’t want to come home this year. I just wanted to experience life outside of the ranch like you said that I needed to.”

  “That really breaks my heart to hear you say that, little girl, and you know it.” His voice tightened up as he slowed, locking the truck into four-wheel drive. The truck had slid a little along with my already hurting heart, but he had brought it back under control. It was my fault he was even driving in this weather. “This snow wasn’t supposed to hit here yet.”

  “You know that I love you and Connie both for taking me in like you did. I just…I needed some time alone, I guess.” And to not see my ex-best friend marrying a woman that wasn’t me. I knew that I shouldn’t even think of him like that, but since graduation, things had changed. He had changed and so had I. Maybe I had grown up. When Paul had told me to back off, it hurt so bad, but instead of letting him know it, I just backed off completely. The fight that we had—I knew that it was the worst one. We never fought. I am sure that he had lost his mind a few times having me follow him around constantly, but I adored him. He was the one that saved my life that night. I could have frozen to death if he hadn’t come out of the bar at that time. What he had told me on Thanksgiving stung more than I could ever imagine. A few times since, he had called, texted, but I didn’t answer, never responded. But then it all stopped. Nothing. Not another text, picture of Ben, nothing as if he just let me go as well. And I sure didn’t want to be anywhere near him this Christmas. It was just time for me to move on. I had to move on. I couldn’t see him with another woman. The pain was too deep.

  “I understand that, but we are still your family, Emmerson. You are a part of us. Always will be.” His eyes studied the road as he felt the truck slide a little more. “Please call Ma and tell her that we will be a little longer. The road is getting pretty bad here. Once we get to the other side, we will be fine.”

  Pulling out my cell, I shook my head. No service. Of course. Never on this hill. “I can’t. Nothing.” I sent a text to Rob and hoped that I had gone through. Maybe it would. I had better luck with the texts sometimes than I had with calling lately.

  “Now, what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” Reaching over, he turned the radio on low enough to hear the sickening Christmas music.

  “I just…” My eyes had watered as I looked at Ben’s beautiful face on my phone. I missed him. I really did. He was the only best friend that I had these days and I could tell Jackson about how miserable I was at the school, but I wanted to make him proud of me. I wanted to show him that he had raised me to be just as great as his sons were, one son in particular. “I didn’t want to come home this year.”

  “Why, Honey? Just tell me.” When the tears had flowed freely from my eyes, he cleared his throat knowing there was more to me wanting to stay away. “Is it because of the fight that you had with Paul?”

  “No.”

  “He is upset about it, too, and he is sorry about it, Honey. You two were always close.”

  “Yeah, well, he made it clear to me that he didn’t want me around.”

  His lips pressed tight together as he worked the truck up the slick road. “Maybe you two just need to talk about things.” Nodding, his eyes had fallen to the thick snow dancing in front of the headlights. “I just…I need to talk to him about a few things, also.”

  “Jackson, please. This is just between him and me. Don’t say anything to him.”

  “I was wrong, Emmer. I really was. I think that the three of us should sit down and talk about some things while you are home.”

  “I don’t want to talk about it!”

  “I know about the fight and what he said hurt you. I know that, Emmy. I just think that we need to sit down and just talk about some things that I noticed.” A tear trickled down his cheek as he glanced over at me before paying attention to the road. “There are some things, Emmy…..”

  “He found someone that he wants to marry, so you can rest easy, Pa. And I am happy at school and I might just stay there for the whole four years. I want to see what life is outside of the ranch. You don’t have to worry about him being mean to me or saying hurtful things.” Squeezing my phone, I felt my heart breaking a little more. How I wished that he would have let me stay at school. “I know how he feels now. I know that he regrets…..”

  “Do you love him, Emmy?” The soft
words had come from him, making my chest tighten. We were about to the top of the hill and the curve on the other side had been the worst, always. There were trees that covered that hill and that side was always the worst with having the least amount of sun possible. “Do you actually love him?”

  “I do.” Holding my breath, I shook my head. “I did. He’s like a brother…” No, I didn’t just love him. I really loved him more than anything. I loved him more than I should. He was supposed to be like a brother to me, but I really never felt that sibling relationship with him. Will and Rob, yes. That was as if I were actually their sister. Paul, not at all. Never really felt that way with him, but love….I was in love with him.

  “No, Em. With your heart. Everything. Do you love him like that?”

  I gritted my teeth. I did. When he kissed me, it was like a switch. Something that had every inch of my body blazing in an uncontrollable fire. “I did. But you don’t have to worry about it. He has someone that he loves like that and my feelings are only because he saved me that night.”

  “Talk to him when we get home. Talk to him and figure this out. All you wanted to do was to run from this and you can’t. That is what your dad did. You ran and hid internally with your dad. Emmerson, I don’t want you to run from us. He was your best friend, Honey. Don’t shut him out. We can all sit down and talk about this because there is something that the both of you need to know.”

  “I love you, Dad. I do. I never did thank you for giving me a life and sharing your family with me.” The cries had come hard as I covered my mouth with my hand. I just wanted to go back to school. I couldn’t be home. Going there was not an option. I just wished that he would stop the damn truck and take me back. “But I have to move on. I do.”

  “Emmy…”

  “I hate him. I hate him, Dad. He hurt me and I just hate him because of what he had said to me.”

  “Emmy, please, when we get home, just go to your room and relax for a little bit, think about what you want to say to him and let me just have a minute to talk to him. I need to talk to the both of you about a few things.” When his hand tightened on mine, his heart beat pounded through to mine, matching it beat for beat, ripping it apart. The pain he held was just like mine. But why was he so torn up over a stupid fight between me and Paul? I knew that everyone heard what Paul said at Thanksgiving. Who didn’t? He said it loud enough for even the Andrews to hear down the road. Maybe he was still mad at Paul for saying those words to me. Jackson was like that.

  “No! I don’t want to talk to him! I don’t want to see him! Please, just let it go! Please!”

  “I can’t, Emmy….I just can’t.”

  “He regrets me, Jackson! How can I deal with that? How could I ever forgive that?” Looking at him, my heart shattered in my chest. “God, I love him and he….he told me he regretted me! I love him so much, Jackson!”

  “Emmy, please….just talk to him when we get back. Just give me a few minutes with him before you do…” His hand tightened even more as his own tears matched mine. I had never witnessed Jackson in tears like that. At my graduation he had some tears, but not like that. Nothing that was compared to what was draining from his eyes now. “Please, Emmy….”

  “I just….I can’t.” Shifting in my seat, I felt the back end of the truck shift fast, making his hand tighten on my own to the point where my bones were crushing together. My heart jumped into my throat as his eyes opened a little wider. “I just can’t. Not after what he said.”

  “Damn it, Emmerson! I need to talk to him when we get home. Let me talk to him and I promise….I promise I will make this right.” Bringing the truck back under control, his left hand tightened on the wheel as he loosened a little on my hand. “There are things that I need to talk to both of you about. Just give me a little time to talk to him when we get home and then I will talk to you about it. Just give me this, Emmer. Give me some time to fix this.”

  “Fix what? He is the one that told me that he hated me. That he regretted me. I loved him so much. I did. I really did. He was everything to me, Jackson. He is the one that ruined it and he’s going to marry her. He’s going to propose to her. I can’t….I can’t do this….I can’t be there because of him!”

  “Emmer, please….it’s not him that….God, Emmy. I….”

  A loud curse ripped through him as his left hand reached around, letting the steering wheel go to slam against my chest. His fist curled tightly around my jacket, trying to pull me over the middle of the truck as much as he could from the restrain of the seatbelt and his large body pressed me down into the console between us. My chest hurt from the angle and his hand was crushing mine as he still held onto it as the other found my right arm, completely pinning me under his hold. His fingers dug through my clothing, hanging on as hard as he could with his bear claw. The loud bang shot through me as my body felt like it had been crushed. Screaming metal and busting glass burned my ears. My heart was pounding in my stomach. I held onto his hand as tight as I could, hanging onto him for dear life. Then, out of nowhere, I was being jerked from side to side, my bones crushing, my insides jarring to the point that they were coming apart.

  Letting the warmth embrace me in his arms, I relaxed the clenching on my eyes. Easing into the comfort, all the pain had gone away as if there was nothing around. For once, there was happiness around. All of us by the tree and the fire crackling in the fireplace, I laid on the floor, head propped up in my hands, and I just looked at the family that had taken me in as their own. For four years, I had a family, a real family. All those times that I never thought that it was really like that, that a family was really loving and caring, but with the Hucks, I had found out.

  Muffled voices had drifted through the darkness. I could hear them, just couldn’t make out what they were saying. The cold was seeping back in as my happy thought had died away, only to be overtaken by the blinding lights and the loud thumping.

  Chapter 10

  ****Past****

  Lying in my room, I stared at the ceiling. It would be coming up on a year since I lived under the roof of the Hucks. A year to date since I was under my father’s hand, and that year brought back that week from hell that no one knew I lived in.

  It was then when those eyes were over mine, watching so close, waiting to see the pain of what he could bring. He was there again. This time, my hands were tied and the rope was stretched across the room to the door handle to keep me from moving.

  “You are nothing, you little worthless kid.” His breath slapped me hard. It was so full of alcohol that my stomach churned violently. The food in his teeth made the hunger pains rocket through me. He had eaten and I was left there to nothing. Not a damn thing. I ran out of my stolen lunch and I couldn’t wait to get back to school to see Will and his hearty lunch bag.

  That bag was something I would never forget. With Thanksgiving coming up, there would be four whole days I would go without food for the break and I rationed my last one, trying to save what I had left. When I opened that bag, that grocery sized bag, I cried. I sat in that bathroom stall over lunch and cried. There was so much food in there, I couldn’t believe it. After meeting his mom, I could see the love that his family had and I prayed I could have that someday. Someday, maybe I would be able to see what that was like. All the food in there would be able to hide in my little secret compartment of my room for the whole break without going bad. And the last time I checked on it, I had enough to last until Monday at school, until my next bag.

  “Are you hungry?” His laugh rumbled deep in his raspy throat, mixing with the years of smoking.

  Nodding, I swallowed hard, afraid of what was going to come. That was never a question he asked before. Nope, not even the times I had to sit at the table, tied and under his eye, to watch him eat a large steak with all the fixings.

  Lifting up a bag of chips, the same kind of chips Will had in his lunch bag, I knew this wasn’t going to be good. If he found my stash, I knew I would be in trouble. And with the way he was lookin
g at me, I could bet the food in his teeth was from my snacks that were hidden to keep me going. “You want these?”

  Shaking my head, the hot tears rolled down the sides of my face. What was he going to do this time? How could I continue to go over to Will’s house and not have them find out what really went on at my house? If his lunches were getting bigger, he had to know that I was stealing them. And the way his mom was when I was over for dinner, how sweet she was, filling my plate, making me eat slow “as a lady did”, I knew they had an idea. But still, no one said anything. But that oldest brother of Will’s, Paul….Paul let me tag with him while feeding the horses and talked to me the whole time. A few times, he suggested that sometimes the horses needed extra help and didn’t know how to ask for it…which was crazy because horses couldn’t talk and Paul seemed to know what they needed before they needed it. And what more could a horse at the Huck ranch want? They were treated better than I was by a long shot. Maybe when I went over there after Thanksgiving break, I could talk to him. He seemed like a really nice guy and the way he was with me around him and the animals, he was always watching over me. I could just talk to him and see if maybe he knew of something else I could do.

  The bag opened and the scent of nacho cheese tortillas filled the stale musty room. His large hand pulled out as many as he could from the bag and he held them up to my nose. A wicked smile spread over that scuzzy and pock marked face. I hated him. I really hated him and after seeing how the Hucks were with me already, I wanted that. I wanted that even more now.