Emmerson's Heart Read online

  I could get up, go down to the door, and tell them stories of what it was like growing up in my house, but what would that solve? I sure didn’t want to ever relive those nights where I wondered if they would be my last. I didn’t want to relive those nights when I was so scared to get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night for fear of disturbing my dad. I bet they didn’t know what it was like being duct taped down to the kitchen table on your birthday, naked, while your own father carved into your back. Or….beat you so bad on Christmas night, you couldn’t sit down.

  Oh, if they only knew what it was like to have lived so many years just to have one person get a strange feeling, and following it just to find you beaten, cut, bruised, full of your own blood, and left outside to freeze to death to change your life forever. They had no idea what it was like to have that person who saved your life on a hunch to turn so cold on you and walk away like it didn’t matter. If they only knew….

  The screen of my phone lit and vibrated in my hand. With blurry eyes, I forced the pain back as I automatically hit the answer button. It had to be Jackson wondering why I wasn’t there yet. No matter what, I couldn’t let him know what was really going on here. Not with the way he was over me. Once, during the summer, Rob made a joke about a scar on my left shoulder that looked like the letter B and Jackson exploded. Of course, I had to be the one to bring him down and he backed down to me easily, but that day, it had taken a lot. I didn’t mind Rob’s joking. That was just how Rob was and his teasing wasn’t bad at all.

  “Emmy? Emmy, are you there?” The voice coming through the phone wasn’t one I expected at all. Sure, we talked a little more now since Thanksgiving, but I didn’t expect him to call on Friday night. Not Marc. “Listen, Emmy. I can hear you breathing so I will just say what I wanted….”

  The music blared in the background and I could hear the woman’s voice close by him. It was all I heard when he was home, his great social life that Rob always wanted to hear about. And this was one of those times.

  I could picture him in his fancy jeans and spotless gray sweatshirt. And did he ever fill out that sweatshirt. Unlike the oldest Huck, the one he looked so much like. His dark hair would be a little messy from his frustrating work day, but worked well at night making him look even more attractive. That was just like Paul. Paul always looked better after working all day just to be so sexy at night when he was ready to have fun.

  “I am….” The little curse came through the phone, followed by a little sigh. Hearing him mumbling something to the female voice, he knew I was on the verge of crying. I hated it. I hated having him knowing I was in this mood.

  “Can I talk to you later? I’m….I’m studying….” A couple times, he offered to pick me up since I had been back after the little break, but I resisted, knowing he had a life, too. Besides, we really never hung out before Thanksgiving in the barn and I was still a little timid around him. A brother, yet we never were able to get that connection.

  The woman snapped loudly, causing Marc to grumble right back. “You’re just going to have to deal with it….”

  “I know. I know. I am sorry.” What was left of my heart dropped hard in my stomach. Maybe they all hated me. Maybe they really didn’t want me around anymore.

  “Emmy, I’m….” The woman got louder, making her point about something that I couldn’t quite make out, but whatever it was, Marc wasn’t happy. “No, Emmy. I wasn’t talking to you. Now…” The thumping of the music got softer as his breathing picked up. “I should be there in just a few minutes. Be out front of your dorm.”

  “No, Marc. I can…”

  “I’m not kidding. Your ass better be outside in five minutes.” Then the phone went silent. Looking at it, I felt my breath hitch a little. He hung up, not giving me a chance to respond. Pushing myself up from the ground, I slipped my phone into the front pocket of my jeans and straightened my heavy sweatshirt. I loved that sweatshirt. I wore it a lot at school and those nights when I needed to have Paul hug me after my nightmares. It was the sweatshirt he was wearing the night of my graduation bon fire, the one he offered me because I was getting a little chilly. And I kept it. I didn’t want to give it back. I needed it, like I really needed him.

  There were so many times I looked at Paul’s number on my phone and all I had to do was press send. And I never did. I couldn’t risk pressing that simple button just to hear him curse me for calling and disturbing him. It was bad enough he regretted that night he had given me back my life, but pushing him away completely would destroy what I had left inside of me. Oh, I missed him so much. If I could just talk to him and see what I did to make him hate me so much now. I needed him to help me get through this year until I could come home to the ranch, but that was long gone. This Christmas, I would lose my best friend completely and I wasn’t sure I could handle it.

  Going past the nasty room, I ignored the girls as they snickered and whispered. For some reason, I knew if I wasn’t downstairs waiting for Marc, he would come into the dorm to get me. I just had a feeling about this and the way he was angry. Oh, if I made him mad and hate me also, if he would regret knowing me, I was going to just go into my room, pack, and just leave. I would just go until I couldn’t go anymore.

  Just as I walked out, the familiar silver fancy car pulled into the parking lot, bringing my heart to slap hard in my chest. It was now or never. I would soon find out if Marc was mad at me also.

  Stepping out to the curb, I sucked in a breath that burned my lungs. Tears blurred my eyes to the point I could barely make out the car. I just wanted to run to him and cry as hard as I could. I was miserable and hurt and scared I was losing the only people I loved and called a family. But I stayed there, unsure of what to do. I trusted all the Hucks and knew not one of them would ever hurt me…..well, I thought that the one I trusted the most wasn’t going to hurt me, but he did. He hurt me and all I did was love him so much. I just wanted to talk to him, to tell him that I was sorry, and I loved him, missed him, and needed him. If he didn’t want me, then he could just simply tell me. I could understand that. I would understand that because I did love him.

  “Emmy!” Marc’s voice shot out through the thickly damp air as the body emerged from the car. “Damn it!”

  Hearing the snickering behind me, I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t stop the tears and the pain that was pushing its way up. The lump was so thick in my throat, it actually hurt. It was bad enough I had to listen to those girls every day talking bad about me, making my life here miserable and shameful, but to follow me out of the dorms to watch me, and to humiliate me in front of Marc, that was something I never went through.

  “Damn it, Emmy! Don’t you ever scare me like that again!” Those thick, muscular arms wrapped around me so tight, I just fell right into them. This wasn’t Paul, but I needed this. I needed this hug, this comfort from the next best thing, the one who reminded me so much of the one I lost. “Honey, I am right here.”

  “I…am….so….sorry….” Pressing my face into the gray sweatshirt chest, I cried a little and let the pain free. I needed to. So many times lately, I held it in and it was starting to get to me. At least at the ranch, I could run to Ben and he would comfort me. Here, I didn’t have that. I had nothing here. Not even a friend, someone to talk to, nothing. Not a damn thing. And it wasn’t like I could go back to the ranch and tell Jackson that I didn’t want to come back here. His word on college had been set in stone and there wasn’t anything I could do to change that. I tried like hell, but that was one thing I couldn’t break of him.

  Maybe telling him wouldn’t be so bad, but then again, my classes were already picked and paid for. Everything was all taken care of for next semester. There would be no way he would let me drop out and go back to the ranch, even to take the online classes. Though, if I did tell Jackson, he would come down to the school and make a scene, one that I didn’t need on me along with all the rumors.

  “Come on.” Keeping his arm tight around my shoulders, Marc walked me
to the passenger door of his car. “Did you eat yet?”

  “No…” When he opened the door, I slid in as fast as I could to get away from the snickering and the giggling. Didn’t people know that wasn’t how you treated others because you never know their history? To make fun of someone because of some scars was the worst thing to do because you didn’t know how they got them. And from what they were saying about me, it was all about how much I did this to myself. I mean, come on! I had scars on my back. How in the hell could I cut my own back?

  “Neither did I. We will go get something to eat.” Slipping gracefully in behind the wheel, Marc filled the seat just as his oldest brother had in the truck, but this wasn’t Paul. This was Marc. As much as I needed Paul right now, he wasn’t there for me. But I wouldn’t turn away from Marc now. He was still one of my so called brothers, just the one I really never had been around. And lately, he had been there, talked to me, and even stopped in once over the week to check on me.

  The car pulled away from the curb and he headed out onto the main road. Looking out the window, I felt my heart sinking into my stomach more. Would he tell Jackson what was going on? Would he tell his own dad how the girls here at the college talked about me? Marc, had never seen my scars, hadn’t really been there to know what my dad did to me. I am sure he was told, but then again, maybe he hadn’t been. Jackson and Connie didn’t talk about my past unless I needed to talk to them about something. And usually, that didn’t happen unless I had a nightmare that Jackson knew about, but still, he didn’t press me for anything. It was on my term and if I wanted to talk about it. And that was something I didn’t want to talk about. My past was the past and that was where it was staying.

  “What was that all about, Emmy?” Keeping one hand on the wheel, Marc let his right arm rest on the console in between us, fumbling with the cell phone in the cup holder at his fingertips.

  “Who were you with?” Swallowing hard, I tried to pull my pain back in, but it was so hard. I was used to having Paul already know what was wrong with me before I told him. Paul always knew when something more was wrong before anyone else. It was just how we were. It was the bond we had. But that bond was gone now.

  “It doesn’t matter. What were those girls talking about?” I knew he heard their comment about me wanting to get away so I could cause some destruction to my own body, but I wanted it all to go away. People had that issue and those people needed the help. Not me. My body wasn’t self-inflicted upon. My own father did this to me.

  “Just leave it alone! I don’t want to talk about it!” Tears blistered in my eyes as the water built up so fast I could barely make out his face. I didn’t want to make out his face, but seeing him through the oceans in my eyes, it was as if Paul, my best friend, was there with me. I needed him so much right now. I needed to hear Paul’s voice to help me get through this. But, no. He wasn’t there for me anymore. Paul was with Becky, going to marry her annoying perfection, and I wasn’t anything to him anymore. “I can’t do this, Marc. I just can’t. I can’t go back there.”

  Letting out his breath, he shook his head and brought up his hand to rub his jaw. “I’m not sure where you are talking about? The ranch or school?”

  “Where do you think?” I snapped. I had no idea. I really didn’t. I didn’t want to go back to the ranch because I couldn’t see Paul with her, with Becky. She was stealing him from me. She was the reason why he was being so nasty to me. And he allowed it. He let her take him away from me. As for school, I didn’t want to go in the first place. I begged Jackson not to send me. I begged him over and over again, but he insisted. It was what he planned for all his children and to Jackson, I was one of those children.

  “I understand you and Paul have been close, but Emmy, he is to the point in his life where he wants to start a family of his own and you have to respect that….”

  “To hell I do! Marc, he….he….” It hurt. It hurt worse than what it had when those girls were making fun of me. Paul was my best friend since I started coming around the Huck house. Always, and never had a problem with it until he started getting serious with Becky after my graduation party. That was when it all started. That night he talked me up to coming over to his place to hang out like we used to. Yeah, I was excited and the impression I got from him that whole day was this was going to be the night he actually made a move. A few times, I thought he was going to kiss me and the way his touches lingered a little longer than usual, I was excited. But when I got to his place that night, he wouldn’t even come out of the bathroom, wouldn’t even look at me. In fact, that was when he started to change and it had something to do with her. I know it had. She was the reason why he didn’t want to hang out with me that night. But he let her. He let her manipulate him into pushing me away.

  “I know, Emmy. I know. I heard what he said at Thanksgiving. He shouldn’t have said that to you and I really don’t think he meant it. He’s just going through a huge change in his life.” Stopping at the red light, he put his arm back on the console and looked at me with the deepest compassion in his eyes. “Stay the weekend with me. I can bring you back here Sunday night, or I can run you back over here on my lunch break Monday if you have no classes until then. We can rent some movies, talk, and hang out if you would like.”

  “Yeah, like you don’t have any plans.” I wasn’t about to break up his night or plans because I was hurting. I heard what that girl said in the background when he called. I wasn’t going to have Marc turn against me like Paul had, all because of a woman.

  Maybe I did cause Paul to push me away like he had. I was constantly around him, following him, and talking to him. I could see where he was getting frustrated, but in the last four years, you would think he would have told me instead of saying what he said. We were friends, best friends, and he should have told me instead. It would have been hard separating myself from him, but I would. I would have, because I would rather him in my life a little less than not at all or to have him hate me.

  “Um…I just…No, I don’t. There was a party, but that wasn’t any fun anyway. I would rather hang with you. You’re a lot more fun and a whole lot prettier to look at.” Reaching over, his hand found to give it a little reassuring squeeze. “Let’s just hang out this weekend. We can talk about what you want and get to know each other. I barely get to know you because I am always working, but let’s just hang out.”

  “Why would you want to? You don’t have to because you think you need to, because I am your sister-type person your family took in.” I wanted to. I really wanted to just hang out with him. If I couldn’t have Paul there right now, Marc would be able to fill his spot. The two looked a lot alike, except for the little scar on the left upper lip of Marc. It was cute, but I never knew how he got it. But still, he was so much like Paul, he would be able to help fill the void my best friend gave me.

  “No, Emmy. You’re not my sister. I don’t think of you like that. I never did. I am glad my family took you in because I do get to be a part of your life. But you’re not my sister. I would like to say that we are friends.” Pressing his lips together, the corners twitched as if he wanted to smile. His cheeks darkened in the glow of the street lamps, giving him that little boyish look to him just like his older brother had in my senior year of high school. “I would really like to be your friend.”

  If I could hug him right now, I would. I needed someone like him. And if Paul didn’t want me anymore, then Marc would. And I did like Marc. Taking this time to get to know him might be a good thing. I could get myself separated from Paul and give Paul his life back.

  “Don’t you ever let anyone bring you down. Paul, those girls, no one, Emmy.” Keeping my hand in his, he held it tightly as he smiled a little. “Just because I live on the other side of the city doesn’t mean that I can’t come over and pick you up when you need someone.”

  “Yeah, and have you end up hating me like Paul does?” Looking out the window, I felt my heart drop a little more. My father always told me no one would ever
want me. No one. I often wondered why he didn’t just give me up for adoption after my mom died and I never asked him. I wouldn’t dare ask him when he was beating me with a leather belt he stole from some store while screaming hateful things to me. But I wondered if he hated me that much because my mom died, why not just give me away?

  “Paul doesn’t need to be treating you like he is. I will say that, but he does need to realize that you still need him. You two had a tight bond since he brought you home. Saying what he said at Thanksgiving wasn’t right, Emmy, but he didn’t mean it. I know he didn’t.”

  “Then why doesn’t he talk to me anymore? Huh? No, he insists on saying those things to me and it hurts so bad.”

  “I know, but you have to realize, he is ready to take this big step in his life. Emmy, he swore he would never get married. Never. This is actually a little scary to him. He will come back around. Just let him get through this and after Christmas….”

  No, I wasn’t going there for Christmas. I would rather take my chances with the girls at school. At least they would be going home over the break so I could just stay in my dorm and hide.

  “I won’t be there until Christmas Eve night. I have a late meeting and I won’t fly back into Billings until five. I will get home and grab my bag so I won’t be there until then.” Letting go of my hand, he reached over to the stereo and flipped through the stations. Finding a country station, he relaxed in his seat and glanced at me as he turned onto the interstate for a little while—heading south.