Emmerson's Heart Read online

  “He fucking threatened me, Emmy! I had to stay the hell away from you! He sent you away because of me! Because of me!” The tear trickled down his face as he shook his head, pressing his lips tight together. “He attacked me, Emmy! He knocked me around while threatening every inch of my body to stay away from you or he would have me off the ranch in a heartbeat because of you! I had to push you away! I had to, Emmy.” Hurt wailed in his voice as he sucked back a cry. “I couldn’t risk losing you completely. I couldn’t risk not having you in my life at all.”

  “Paul…” My eyes shifted over to Jackson’s headstone as my eyes exploded with tears. He had threatened Paul, his own son. When he told me he wanted to talk to Paul about something before we three could sit down and straighten the feud out, that was what he was talking about. It wasn’t because he had wanted me to mend the friendship at all. He was trying to tell me that he was sorry for getting us apart. That was why he had asked if I actually loved Paul. God, Jackson. My sweet Jackson. My sweet man was just trying to right his wrong.

  “Ever since my dad died, Emmy, I wanted to tell you. I tried so many times. I went to Marc’s to tell you that I loved you more than life itself, Emmy. I came there to find you in his arms. Do you have any idea how much that killed me?” Oh that pain was so very deep inside of him. I wondered if Paul ever knew what kind of pain my father inflicted on me with his abuse. Sure, Paul had seen what that man did to my body, but now Paul knew the deep pain inside that I felt because of it. I did the same thing to him. I hurt him in a place that would take more than a bandage and some antibiotics would be able to fix.

  “Yes, Paul. I do.” Shrugging, I looked over my shoulder at Marc standing by the car waiting. I was torn. Marc was a great man. He had been there listening to me cry about Paul and his hated words. Marc had been there when I first opened my eyes in the hospital. But Paul….Paul was there through so much, taught me so much, and helped me in a way no one else ever had. Knowing that Paul really loved me that much brought that black cloud over me even more. If I had gone back to Marc now knowing Paul’s true feelings about me, I never would be able to go further with Marc. I loved Paul so much. Loved him for so long. Loved him so much. But he had no idea just how much. And I knew the pain Paul felt seeing me in his brother’s arms, watching his brother kiss me. “I had to live with it each time that you had brought Becky over.”

  A curse rolled out of him as he shook his head. “Just go, Emmy. Just go and be happy for once.” His eyes turned back to me as the tears rolled freely down his face. “Of anyone that I know, you deserve to be happy. Emmy, he makes you happy and I can’t….I can’t stop that. He gives you something that I never could.”

  Nodding, my heart shattered a little more. Maybe he was right. Maybe I was better off with Marc. Someday Paul and I might be able to be friends again. Someday I would like to think that Jackson would let Paul know that he was sorry for what he had done. I knew Jackson was. I knew that now. Only because I realized what he was trying to tell me before the accident.

  “You should give this to him.” Reaching behind his neck, he released the clasp of the necklace, letting it fall into his hand. “I will be off your ranch in a couple weeks.”

  The words stung hard. My ranch? That wasn’t my ranch. Not even close. The ranch was split amongst the boys, Jackson’s boys. There was no way he would ever take the ranch away from Paul. Paul was the one who loved the place, if not more than Jackson had. “Paul…”

  “Yeah, Emmy, he cut me completely out of it because he knew that I was in love with you. Just…” Biting back the tears of pain, he nodded while holding out the necklace. “This is your chance at the happiness that you deserve. You will always be in my heart no matter what. I love you and I will always love you, Emmer. If you ever need something and have no one to turn to, you can always call me. I can’t promise I will answer, but maybe someday….”

  Curling his fingers over the necklace, I swallowed the lump in my throat and reached up to brush his tears away. “He told me to give that to the man that I deemed worthy of my heart, Paul. I want someone that means just as much as he does to me to have it and that will always be you. Always. No one will ever change that.”

  “Em, let yourself go with Marc. He’s damn good for you. Damn good.” Turning, he went back to the grave and sat in the grass near the headstone.

  Going down to Marc’s car, I forced a smile and slipped into the passenger seat. He got in and let out a little breath. His fingers ran through his dark hair and I knew what was on his mind. It was on his face and in those dark eyes every time I said Paul’s name. I was hurting him, too. I was hurting Marc with being there with Paul, but I had to do this. I had to clear the air, but I only made it worse. Knowing Paul’s true feelings and finding out what Jackson did, it was a whole new storm cloud on the horizon. It wasn’t that Paul regretted anything. He was doing exactly what Jackson told him to do. Just Paul didn’t know that Jackson was going to make it right when we got home that night.

  “Emmy, are you okay?”

  Looking over at him, I felt that release, but my heart was breaking more. “Yeah, I am. I love you, Marc. I’m ready to go back home with you and just be happy.”

  “I can take you back to the ranch.” His eyes drifted over to his brother sitting up by the gravesite. His hand wrapped into mine tightly, but something was different. Something changed. I knew he was trying to get me away from Paul because of the pain Paul caused me. With me sneaking out of the house while he was working, I knew he was upset. I knew what he was thinking. And I loved him for it. I loved the fact he tried to keep me from the pain, to try to make my life a little better. And that was what I needed now. Paul told me to just go back to Marc and that was what I should do. That was what I needed to do, but there was no way I could be at the ranch. Not with Paul around. The ranch would be a place I could no longer be without feeling not only the loss of Jackson, but Paul also.

  “No, I would rather go back to your place in the city. I want to go now. We can just leave.”

  “Baby, I, um…I actually sold it because I wanted to move you home. It’s where you really wanted to be.” Resting his head back, he cursed under his breath. “I saw how depressed the city was making you and I did it. I actually sold it and the movers are packing everything up right now.” Bringing my hand to his lips, he pressed them tight to my cold skin and sucked in hard through his nose. “Um, Mom and I just had a little talk before I came to get you. She’s moving into town and I am going to move in with her for a bit.”

  “We can look for another place in the city. In the meantime, we could….”

  “I’m going to move there, Emmy. You belong on the ranch…” His eyes watered as he looked at his brother. “With him.”

  “Marc.” The breath shot out of me so fast that it had taken my heart along with it.

  “He really loves you, always has. Emmy, Dad threatened him, cut him from everything, nearly beat him down because Paul loved you so much. I found the letter in his desk, Emmy.” Pulling the wrinkled envelope out of his pocket, he handed it over. “He just never got to give it to Paul. Maybe you should take this to him and give both of you a peace of mind. Dad knew what he did was wrong, but he never got the chance to correct it. Emmy……Dad cut him out of everything. Cut his bank account out from under him, the ranch. Dad took everything away from him because Paul loved you that much.”

  “Marc, please….” The tears just dripped from my eyes, not believing what he was telling me to do. He wanted me to go to Paul? I thought he loved me? This whole love thing was getting to be way too much. I was starting to hate it. I was starting to hate the way it made me feel. But Paul, I just loved him so damn much, more than anyone else.

  “Emmy, I never told you this, but you….um….you called out his name a few times while you were sleeping. Em, you love him. You really love him just as you always have. I will be fine. I will be just fine as long as we are still best friends.”

  “If you knew that this wou
ld happen, then why did you insist on bringing me here?”

  “Because, I love you that much, too. We shared something amazing, Honey. Something that I will never find with anyone else. Maybe I will. I don’t know. If you leave with me now, you will never be mine completely. Every time that you hold my hand or kiss me, it will be Paul in your mind like it has so many times already. Go. Go to him and love him like you still do.”

  “So, neither of you want me?”

  “Both of us do with all of our hearts, Emmy, but I am pretty sure that one of us does more than the other.” His eyes shifted back to his brother. “Emmy, be happy. Be happy for once.”

  “I am happy.” The tears drained faster as I just looked at him and held his hand as tight as I could. I couldn’t lose Marc. He helped me so much that I couldn’t let him go.

  “I know that you are really trying, Baby. I know.” Reaching over, he kissed my cheek and tugged the handle of the door. “If he ever hurts you, I will be right there.”

  “I love you, Marc. I do, so much.”

  “Go, Emmy. You two need to just be together. Give him that. Give him the one who already has your amazing heart.”

  Nodding, I struggled to get out of the car after seeing the tear dripping from his left eye. Looking back at him, I watched the hurt fill into his face. To give up everything like he had to bring me home just to have me walk away was hard for him. I just hoped like hell that he would find someone that would be so good to him. Someone that could give him their whole heart and mind.

  Watching him pull away, my heart jumped hard in my chest. Turning around, I watched Paul go to Ben and pat his neck. Tipping his head, he sucked in a hard, deep breath. “Jackson, you really got your wish. You got it, old man, and I am gone. I am walking away.”

  The pain hit me harder as I watched his anger fill into his shoulders. God, had Jackson really made him push me away? There was no way that I could ever be mad at Jackson over this. No way. He was just trying to protect me. But for a man to actually try to right his wrong in the way that he was trying to at Christmas, I had to forgive him.

  “Well, boy. At least you have her back. At least you will be able to keep an eye on her for me. Make sure that you take good care of her. She’s really something else.” His eyes shifted over to me as they filled with so many tears I was surprised that he had even seen me still standing there. “Emmy…”

  “Marc found this in the desk.” Taking the letter, I managed to make it up the incline to give it to him. Opening it, he read it and let the tears just go. When he finished, he folded it up and shoved it into his pocket while taking something else out. Wrapping his hand behind my head, his mouth covered mine so hard, so hungry, and so desperate that I had allowed him into every inch of my body. Without leaving my mouth, he struggled with my hand to slip something cold onto my finger, my left ring finger. When he was done, he picked me up, wrapping my legs around his lean waist and just held me and giving me the breath that I needed to survive with and taking mine for his own.

  Chapter 31

  ****Future****

  Paul

  Waiting this long was pure torture, but I had to. I had to wait no matter how many times that I threatened just to take her over my shoulder and haul her sweet ass down to the courthouse. I had to make her mine. Just as my dad had said in the letter that he had left me admitting that he was wrong and telling me to marry the one that I had truly loved, I was going to one way or another. The sooner, the better. But, I had to wait. I had to wait through the winter, through the spring, and for this summer day. I waited, alright. Waited while making love to her every chance that I had. Night, day, in the barn, on a walk in the field, a few times on the way to and from the city. Today, I would make an honest woman out of her and marry her for the rest of my life and I knew that my dad would be right by my side, damn happy that I had his little girl, the one that he had protected with his life that night just for me.

  The whole town had gathered at the ranch that beautiful summer day, waiting, excited and just happy. As I waited in the barn impatiently, I watched out the door for any sign of her. Having Mr. Andrews walk her down the aisle made it just a perfect day. Almost. I just wished that my dad could have been here to walk her to me, to give her to me himself, but he was there. I could feel him.

  Looking at Ben, I had to laugh. Mom had made him a bowtie also knowing there would be nothing that we could do to keep him from her wedding day. Not a damn thing. Why not just let him be a part of it? As my best man, he was going to do a damn good job, too. Now, if Marc, being her man of honor, would dance with Ben when it had come time, it would make my day.

  Marc, my poor brother who had gotten his heart broken, now was the one who just talked to Emmy, but never to me. I knew that it hurt him. He loved her and he had been so good to her, but her heart had always been mine. Becky had gone through that same thing with me. Only, she had realized it earlier. I think that he knew all along, though. He had to have.

  Smoothing down Ben’s dark silver mane, I smiled at him. For once, I completely understood the crazy horse. He was just as crazy about her as I was.

  “Can I talk to you?” Marc cleared his throat from the barn door and shoved his hands deep into his pockets.

  “Hey, I’m glad that you decided to come.” That was the one thing that I hadn’t told Emmy. Even though he promised to be there, I knew that Marc might not show up. Hell, it had hurt him whenever she had mentioned anything about the wedding and I felt bad for him. I really did.

  “I’m only here for Emmy. I couldn’t break her heart.” His eyes drifted over to Ben, nodding in approval. “She will really like that.”

  “What can I say? He’s a part of her.”

  “Listen…”

  “Marc, thank you for being here. This means a lot to me, too. I couldn’t do this without you here.” Holding out my hand, I held my breath as his eyes sharpened on it. If he refused to shake my hand, I would go crazy. It was killing me not to have my brother, my best friend, any more. Not to count, to think that he had been the one to kiss her and hold her when she had needed it the most. I would never forget that, but a part of me was glad that he had been there with her while I was on the verge of taking my life down. At least it was my best friend who had the pleasure of having Emmy in his life. She was amazing and he had that for a little bit.

  “I’m not here for you. The only reason why I am here is for her and only her.” Walking past me, he headed for the back where Rob and Will were sitting. Someday, his heart would mend.

  “Marc, I can’t stand here and tell you that I am sorry that you had your heart broken. Actually I can, because I know how you feel, Brother. Boy, do I know how you feel. Emmer has been my life for so long. I can’t live without her and someday, you will meet someone like that.” Patting Ben’s neck, I straightened my shoulders and sucked in a deep breath. “I love you, Marc. You have always been my best friend, my brother. And if you are here just for her, then I just thank you for giving her that.”

  “You have her, Bro, so just go and marry her. I gave you that much, didn’t I?” His hurt poured through as he come back to me holding the bottle of whisky, the very bottle that I had finally set down to get my life back in order for my love. “Didn’t I give you that much?”

  “I would have walked away if that was what she wanted.”

  “Well, I knew what she really wanted, didn’t I?” Holding up the bottle, he motioned for Rob and Will to join us. “You screw her over and I will kill you.”

  “I’m not going to screw her over. No way in hell.”

  “I know that, too, Brother.” Bringing the bottle to his lips, he took a drink and bit back at the strong bite. “That’s shit, Man.”

  Taking it, I nodded as I took a shot, hissing at the burn. “We both need you here, but I understand if you decide to leave again.”

  “Yeah, I think that I am just going to stay at the house with Mom for a bit. Who knows, maybe I might find my Emmy. I do miss my family.” The
tears filled in his eyes as he wrapped his arms around me, slapping me on the back. “Take damn good care of her, Paul. She’s so absolutely wonderful.”

  “I need to get into this brotherly love.” Rob snatched the bottle and tipped it back. Letting out a growl, he wiped his mouth on his white sleeve. “Shit, that is good.” Passing it over to Will, he cocked his brow. “Why not, little brother? This is a great day.”

  Taking it, Will took a shot, damn near puking afterward. “That’s horrible.”

  “Let’s get you married, Bro.” Marc looked at Ben and chuckled. “Damn horse.”

  Walking out to the back yard that Mr. Andrews and Mom had decorated up with flowers and the archway, I walked Ben to the front while hearing the town’s people laughing. Looking over at Marc, I swallowed hard as Becky had come down the aisle first in the long flowing royal blue dress. She smiled as she winked at me.

  Marc cleared his throat as he stepped aside, letting her move to the other side of him. Turning back to my mom, I watched her hurry down the aisle, taking her seat and trying to stop her tears. Turning around, she shrugged and jumped back up.

  “Mom, what’s wrong?” The lump filled my throat while seeing the hurt deep in her eyes.

  “She’s just having a little bit of a hard time right now. Just hang on. She’s coming.” Her eyes shifted over to Marc, causing him to follow her back down the aisle.

  Looking over at Becky, I shrugged a little knowing my heart was ready to explode in my chest if I didn’t marry Emmy soon. It had taken a little, but when the people all stood, the jitters hit my stomach as I couldn’t wait to see her. I wanted to see her so bad. And when I finally had seen that beautiful sight in that while strapless gown, showing her scars to everyone, I had just fallen in love with her all over again and even more. She was beautiful. Mom had flipped her shorter golden locks up mixing in some little white flowered bobby pins throughout and there wasn’t a spot of makeup on the scarred perfection of her face. Tears had gushed from her eyes as she held onto Mr. Andrews arm as tight as she could. With each step, more and more tears had come to her.