Emmerson's Heart Page 20

  Turning back to Marc, she grasped his arm for support as she dragged her right leg behind, feeling the walk down from the house already. “Please, take me back.”

  “Hey, we will sit by the fire and watch that movie, okay?” His smile came out as he cupped her cheek. “I will make some pop…”

  “I think that I am actually ready for bed. I’m starting to hurt.” Leaning into him, he wrapped his arm around her back and lifted her up carefully. Falling to his chest, she had rested her head on his shoulder as her eyes slowly drifted back to me. “I’m sorry, Paul. I am sorry that I ever hurt you.”

  Before I could say anything, he carried her out. Balling my fists, I felt the burning tears filling my eyes as I clutched tightly to that necklace. God, how she deserved Marc. He was perfect for her. Better than Greg, better than Rob, Will. It was Marc that was the very best for her. Hell, just the way that he was constantly with her, it made me angry. That was supposed to be my place. I was the one that was supposed to be with her constantly like I had been before. Since her damn graduation, I had to distance myself from her and I had for him, all for that man that had given his life for her.

  Chapter 21

  ****Present****

  Three damn days, I had done nothing but sit back and watch Marc fuss over Emmy constantly. I had to witness her looking at him the way she did with so much love, but yet, that pain was still deep inside of her. This wasn’t good. This wasn’t good for Emmy at all. The pain she was masking wasn’t the pain of my dad’s death, but the pain I had caused her. Having her find out what I said out of pure anger and frustration, was enough to damn near kill me also.

  Standing by the barn, I watched Marc smile at her as he walked next to Ben while Emmy was on the horse’s back. She needed to get back on him and the doctor said there shouldn’t be a problem. Not with the way Ben was with her. And the saddle, hell it wasn’t like she ever really rode with one anyway. Just out to check on the herd and that was more of a safety thing than anything. But there would be no way she could ride out there and for that long now. Just getting out there on Ben was a big step as it was for her and I had never seen more of a beautiful sight. Except for the fact that it was my damn brother, the one that was supposed to be my flesh and blood, trying to take my damn place in her heart.

  I have never hated my brother so much in my life. Especially Marc, seeing as we were always close. Very close. But now….I hated his existence. I hated him for cornering me about what I said. I had to live with the remark, but he came down to my place to question me about it and, of course, there she was. She had to overhear.

  Last night the conversation came out about Marc taking Emmy back to his place for a while seeing as it was so hard being in the place that my dad had loved the most. No. That wasn’t the reason and I knew the reason why she wasn’t coping well with the accident. It wasn’t for the fact that she lost my dad, but for the simple fact that Marc had to make sure she knew what I said.

  I was wrong. I was so very wrong and I had to live with the words I used. I did say that I didn’t care whether she lived or died. I said it and I regretted every single damn word. Those words were just out of sheer hate and anger, what I had to say to get myself distanced from the one woman I never should have those kinds of feelings for.

  I did care what happened to her. I really did. More than what anyone else knew. Becky knew, though, just because she had seen it and dealt with it for so long now. I cared if someone would look at Emmy in the wrong way because of those scars. Those scars made that girl perfect; absolutely perfect and more beautiful than anyone else in the world. I cared that Emmy was hurting and I couldn’t be there to help her through it. I cared so much for her to honor wishes that maybe I should just push aside and really tell her the truth. Maybe I should just tell her everything and fix what she really needed help with.

  My dad’s death wasn’t what she couldn’t cope with. She could and she would. She was strong enough to do it. Me, on the other hand, was the sole reason why she wasn’t coping. We have always been together since she came to live with us. I was always there through all the hard times. I was there to help her actually get some sleep after having those nightmares that scared the hell out of her.

  “You need to rest, Em. You can’t be up there for too long.” Marc rested his hand on her left thigh, causing the anger to slam through me in a way I never thought was imaginable. Not even when she went on that date with Greg and I caught him going in for a kiss. Yes, the anger surged through me that night, but what in the hell did she expect? She was soaked from the rain, looking more beautiful, and her clothes were plastered against her sweet, tight little body. That was a sight I wanted all to myself. And damn him for even trying to kiss her.

  “I’m fine. I just want to spend some time with him before we go.” As much as she wanted to smile and hold that smile there, the pain was winning the fight she gave it.

  “I know. I know. But I don’t want you to overdo it. You can’t ride very long right now. Not yet. I promise we will be back again.” If he was taking her somewhere, I didn’t know about it. I knew when she went into the city for appointments. I knew when she should be back also. I knew all that because I knew her. This was her place. This was the only place that she needed to be and would ever be. I didn’t care what I had to do in order to keep it that way. I just had to make sure I didn’t push her any more than what I already had.

  Nodding, she let Marc win. Damn him. I hated him even more now. It was always a battle with me and her about getting down from Ben. Always. The more she battled me, the longer she was up on the horse’s back. Ah, she was a smart one. Very smart. But this…. Watching this all was really making me even angrier. She was mine. She was my friend, my girl, mine….mine…mine.

  Gritting my teeth, I shook my head. She wasn’t mine. I lost her after her graduation. And how thankful I was to have my dad send her off for her year at college, too. If she stayed around, I never would have been able to push her away like I needed to.

  As Marc opened his arms, Emmer slid to her left, letting her body fall straight to him. Rage burst through me as I gripped the corner of the barn wall, forcing myself not to go and pulverize my own brother. And it wasn’t like she slid into my arms when I first had her on a horse and she was too scared to come down. It wasn’t anything like when Rob helped her down after she had her first real experience on a brand new horse that we had trained and the excitement was rushing through her. No. This was a whole different sight that should have been with me. Not me watching this happening with my brother that didn’t want anything to do with the damn ranch. God! I hated him! I hated that his hands were on her damn hips! I hated that his eyes were on hers, taking in all the love and the beauty that was deep within them! Those eyes were mine! Mine!

  And he held her there. He held her, his hands wrapped around her tight hips, her body pressed against his, and his damn eyes influencing hers! I knew how he worked his magic on the ladies and he was filling her with all of his damn tricks! No. He was my damn brother and there should have been no way he should be looking at her like that! I was the one that had that look from her! That was my damn look!

  But I was the one that had to crush everything inside of her. I was the one that had to push her away. It was all my fault. Even if I did talk to her and tell her the truth, she never would look at me like that again. She would never give me that look again. And there was no way I deserved to have her look at me like that again. Not after everything I had to say and do in order to keep my damn distance.

  “When are we leaving?” Her voice softened as she cuddled into his embrace. My stomach knotted, twisted, and turned. That should have been me she was cuddling into as she did on those nights when she first came down to my place after having a nightmare. I held her a time or two when she was so scared that her father was coming after her again. I was the one she ran to until Ben came to live on the ranch and turned into her damn horse-dog. I was replaced by that damn animal, but at least I sti
ll had her then. She would never object to a hug or a cuddle even then. Not from me. From Rob or Will, yes. But not me. Once upon a time, I was her superhero. I was the guy who saved her life on a damn hunch.

  “I have to wait for that email and then we can go, or we can go later. Or we can go in the morning. It’s up to you.” His hand brushed her cheek softly as his eyes danced, digging into hers even more. Another look I had seen all too much with him and the ways he picked up his women.

  “I want to go now.”

  “We will. And soon, Emmer. I need to pack up my office.” Reaching over, he smiled at Ben and patted the dark gray neck of the large horse. “I’ll take good care of her.”

  What in the hell was he talking about? Why would he need to pack up his office…..What the….

  My heart stopped hard. He was taking Emmer away. He was taking my girl away from here. No! She can’t leave! She can’t. I need her! She was my whole world! I had to bury my dad because of the crap I put Emmer through and now I was losing her for good.

  No. It was all Marc’s doings. I should have known better. I should have seen that he would swoop in and steal her from here. I saw the way he looked at her when we decided to give Mom and Dad that whole damn vacation cruise. I watched the way he looked at her when she was outside, at dinner, fighting with my dad. Oh, yeah. I saw that. I saw the way he was holding onto her when I walked into the house on their anniversary to get that shit over with so I could get some work out of Emmy. No one else batted an eye at the way Marc was looking at her. But me….Oh I was the bad one. I was the bad guy for looking at her like the goddess that she was when she graduated.

  Making my way back inside the barn, I went straight for the bottle of whisky I hid in there last night. I needed something to get through the days of Emmer being there and me not being able to get any work done without her out there with me. Plopping down on the hay bales left for Ben in the far open end, I ripped that bottle open so fast and downed as much as I could. I hated him. I hated her for wanting to even think about leaving me. I hated my mom for allowing it. I hated Rob and Will for….Hell, they knew what Marc was doing. They knew. I should have seen it at dinner last night, but then again, I could barely remember dinner last night.

  What I needed was something to wash away the pain.

  I hated my very own brother.

  More whisky would wash everything away.

  I hated Emmer for wanting to ever leave me.

  The burn felt better, but the pain was still there.

  I hated myself the most for being such a damn coward and so pathetic that I hurt the one person I actually loved with every inch of my body.

  After I was at half a bottle, Ben walked in and let out a loud huff as he nudged the bottle from my hands. His big brown eyes were sad and I could tell that he was feeling the effects of that damn worthless brother of mine and his mighty plan. What in the hell does he think anyway? By taking Emmer away from here, she would all of a sudden heal?

  That was a load of manure. Emmer belonged right here with me. As mine. With me. Right by my side as she had for those years living with us and where I could take care of her.

  Marc didn’t love her like I loved her. I knew Emmer from the inside out. I knew her secrets. I knew her feelings and she didn’t even have to tell me. I just knew. Like he was that close with her. No one was. Only me. Only I knew what she really meant when she said she didn’t want to be there. It wasn’t at the ranch she was talking about.

  I didn’t blame her. That girl had been through so much in her life that is was sickening. Pure sickening. I vowed never to let anyone hurt her again. Not after seeing how badly her dad beat her, tortured her, and threw her out into the bitter cold leaving her to freeze to death. I was the one who saw firsthand what that man did to her. I was the one who had to pick her up, hearing those cries while my mom could remove the blood soaked clothing from her beaten and bruised body. And there I was. The one who hurt her the most.

  I had time yet. I had time to tell her the truth. To tell her that I loved her so much. I needed to, even if it cost me everything. Drunk or not, she was getting the damn truth even if it meant to throw out any respect I had for my family. I needed her to know the truth. I needed to at least give her that. If she chose to run into Marc’s arms, then I would just drink my life away because I would never be able to live without her. No woman would ever put up with me being so in love with that one girl. Not one woman would deal with me like Becky had for that whole time we were together.

  Putting the cap on the bottle, I stashed it again and headed up to the house where I saw Marc’s car with the bags in the back seat. Her bags. If I could just grab them, throw them out, and put a stop to this, I would…..but hell, I was seeing ten damn bags and about three cars right there.

  I was messed up.

  I was drunk.

  I was dying inside knowing I was losing Emmer for good.

  If she only knew. If she only knew what I was feeling, how much I just loved her, that I couldn’t live a day with her being gone. I barely survived her being away at school. Those times I went to the city and sat outside of her dorm, hoping just to see her for a moment, wishing I could be there to help her through the tough college times she had. I knew she had them. I heard Will talking to one of his friends about it before. A few times, Will wanted to go to the school and beat the shit out of some people for her, but that was just brotherly instincts. My god, that boy let her steal his lunches just so she would have something to eat. He loved her, but in a way that we all were supposed to love her. Not me, though. I didn’t love her like that. I loved her at least a hundred times more than he did, in a completely different sense.

  Sneaking into the house, I listened for a minute to see where everyone was. Well, I think. My head was cloudy and my heart was pulverizing the walls of my own chest. I had to tell her. I had to come clean whether I was being disrespectful or not. I couldn’t let her go without knowing just how much I needed her. In her room, I didn’t find her like I figured. Nope.

  Marc folded up her jeans that were in a pile looking as if they had come out of the dryer. And another pile of her tee shirts and her underclothing. What in the hell was he doing looking at those things of hers? They weren’t for his damn eyes. He didn’t need to know what color her panties were and that she preferred the bikini style over anything else. And her bras….he didn’t know she liked the plain and simple ones because they kept her from bouncing so much while riding. Though, that night she went out with Greg on that date, I found out that she had one bra that wasn’t simple, boring, or bland. Nope, that damn black lace with the bow in the front. Hell, that was what caught my eye instantly when seeing her soaked. It was right there. Hello! What man wouldn’t have seen that? I sure did from the theater doors. That was why I lost my mind. I had to get her away from Greg and his eyes. That was mine. That sight of her was all mine.

  And that was a sight I never forgot either. I have seen her drenched in the rain before and damn near lost my mind then, too. But that night, that sight of her in that cute little bra and that….

  Gritting my teeth, I sucked in as much as I could as I watched my very own brother dig his hands into her cotton garments and pull out a pair of dark blue panties. Good lord, how my breath just escaped me when I saw those.

  “Hey, Emmer! I can bring you….” Turning around with the panties and a pair of fresh washed jeans, Marc’s eyes narrowed on me. His jaw tightened as he covered her panties up with the jeans as if he were hiding them from me. Like I said, I was the one who knew that girl from the inside out. I knew what she wore. I knew what she liked without having to ask her. “What?”

  “You’re not taking her anywhere.” Reaching out, I stumbled as I went for her clothing. Marc pulled away as his hand caught my chest, trying to steady me. “Put her clothes down. You have no business touching her things.”

  “It is noon and you are drunk already? Come on, Paul. Get your shit together.” Shaking his head, he sat the clo
thing on the edge of her bed and picked up the next pair of jeans. Folding them, he smoothed the legs to take out what wrinkles were there before they could set in. “I’m taking her back with me. She can’t cope with you being here.”

  “You are not taking her away from me.” Regaining my balance, I lifted my right fist and waited. If I had to fight him for her, I would. I would take him down in a heartbeat. No one messes with my Emmerson. No one.

  “You have done nothing but bring her down, Paul. My god! You have said things to her and about her that absolutely killed her inside. Really?” The hatred in his eyes backed off as he ran a hand over his face. “Really, Paul? You want to fight me for picking up the pieces of that girl you single handed shattered?” His lips pressed tight together as he glanced at the door, making sure Emmy wasn’t there to witness this. What was he afraid of? Her seeing me fighting my own brother because I didn’t want her to leave me? Oh, that wasn’t a bad thing. I wanted her to know what I would do for her. I needed her to know what I did because of her and so I could have her in my life somewhat. God, she needed to know the truth before I never had the chance to tell her.

  Screw respect.

  Screw that promise.