Emmerson's Heart Page 10

  “I’m not going. I can’t be there, Marc.” I couldn’t stand to see Becky and her touching Paul. Putting her hand on his leg, the constant flipping of her hair off her shoulder. Come on, it was bad enough at Thanksgiving I had to witness that and managed to keep my food down, but when Paul proposed, it was going to kill me. Nothing would hurt me that much to see the man I loved so much marry another woman.

  “I can pick you up on my way if you would like. I can talk to Dad and let him know that you are going to come with me. If that helps you get through Christmas, I will do that.”

  Looking out the window, I nodded. I wouldn’t mind going back with Marc, but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t face that pain that was coming. It was just better that I stay at school. If Paul hated me that much, I would give him peace for Christmas so he could propose. Because I still loved him. It would be better for him that I wasn’t there also. Hopefully, as Marc said, Paul would be better afterward so I could talk to him again. This would pass, right?

  Chapter 8

  ****Past****

  Never in my life had I heard anything like it before. I had never seen him so uptight and so on the verge of coming unraveled. He was my best friend, the one who had saved me. Of course, I wasn’t allowed anywhere near that trailer. Not even to watch. I loved living with the Hucks. Still, I had kind of felt the fear that someday they would send me away. I was fifteen and a sophomore, but they hadn’t known. They thought I was a freshman like Will, but I didn’t correct them. My birthday was always a day that I would rather forget about. And this birthday, I had watched that shaking trailer pull into the yard as the animal inside went completely crazy.

  Since living with the Hucks, I had become part of the family. Jackson had let me work with Paul and the horses. We needed some new horses and we had sold off some. It was what I loved the most, a new challenge. That was a battle all on its own, too.

  Jackson, that man. He was one that I could read so well. Those times that he had pulled me into his office to talk to me, to tell me that I couldn’t be fighting no matter what, that I wasn’t alone anymore, I was his daughter now made me like him more. There had been so many nights that I had laid on my mattress, wishing that my dad was like that, that my dad wouldn’t just go off because I had taken a slice of bread. It had taken a lot for me to actually trust that he was nothing like my dad, but deep inside, I loved him as if he were. Everything was about my safety with Jackson. Hell, that guy alone dropped a shield around me like no one could believe. Letting me work with Paul had been a two hour conversation alone.

  A few times, I had snuck out to the barn at night after having those darn nightmares and Jackson had come out to haul me back inside. Though, after that, he hadn’t left my room. Nope, he sat in there, the chair pulled next to my bed, and spoke not one word about them. A few times, I had felt him holding my hand while I drifted off to sleep. Something about him just made me feel at ease, comfort that I had never gotten before from an adult. Paul had been my best friend, but Jackson, he was, in my heart, my dad.

  As I watched from behind the barn, the four guys were around that rocking trailer while the animal inside screamed his threats to them, warning them that he wasn’t coming out easily. Three days, that trailer sat and that horse wasn’t calming. Not for a second. They had tried in the middle of the night, feeding him, luring him out with treats, but as soon as one of those guys had come within a hundred feet of that trailer, the beast unleashed upon them.

  As Jackson had talked with his oldest son, my heart was heavy while listening in. The horse was going to go back. Having an animal on the ranch that had so much damage done to him wasn’t worth the risk. Another challenge, right? I was bored with the lame ones that Paul had let me work with. This one, though, just hit me harder than any I had seen before.

  It was the middle of the night when I had snuck out. Making sure that Jackson was actually sleeping first, I hightailed it down to the coral. All that I had ever seen that was in the trailer was a big, dark gray spotted head with his ears pinned back to his large head and the whites of his black eyes. But when I had come up, he hadn’t made a sound. Crawling on the wheel well, I swallowed hard at the sight. My stomach jumped into my throat and my eyes had dropped to him. The whites were there and his ears were laid back, but he wasn’t making a sound. Reaching in, I slipped my hand under his snarly, mud caked mane and felt the bumps. Scars. They had to be scars that ruffled his dark gray hairs.

  He was just like me. Scars that not only were under his cover, but deep inside also. There was no way that I could let him go. No way. They kept me, didn’t they? They had taken me into their family and gave me a good home. That was all this horse needed. He just needed someone to see what had happened and love him regardless.

  Jumping off the wheel well, I went to the back of the trailer and unhooked the door. With the largest horse that had ever come to him place charging at me, I couldn’t move. I couldn’t get out of the way, but he was coming. Just centimeters from me, he had stopped and looked at me. The whites slowly disappeared and his ears had actually lifted from his head. Holding up my hands, I let my tears run free down my face as he let out a loud breath. That was the second that I had fallen in love with him, with his gentleness that no one else had ever seen in him. He was exactly like me. So hurt and just afraid.

  Taking him to the coral, I opened the gate and walked him in. God, how could they not see it? How could they not see the damage that had been done to him?

  After that night, I had snuck out every night and sat with him. He needed it. He needed just one person to believe in him. He was so gentle and so kind, not the monster that they had known him to be. Those nights, I had cleaned him up, talked with him, and listened to his story. He had been beaten and abused by someone that he should have been able to trust with his life. Just like me. Now, with the mercy of the Hucks, he was at the best home anyone could ever have.

  Every day, though, he wouldn’t let the guys near him, but yet, they were amazed at what was going on with him. How was he out of the trailer; looking better? Yeah, Paul knew after a while, but I was thankful that Jackson hadn’t caught on. Defying Jackson like that—the horse would be sent away in an instant, regardless of what I had said.

  The shopping day had come and I had managed to talk my way out of it. I hated leaving the ranch. Hated it. This time, Jackson hadn’t given me much of a fight, thanks to my best friend. He was the one that assured the dad that I was needed there. Instead of helping like usual, like Paul had said, I was down at the coral playing with my new friend, my matching soul.

  I had laughed when Ben, Gentle Ben, had laid down. Sometimes, the nights that I had those nightmares, he laid with me for a bit as if he sensed them. Those were the nights that I had cuddled up to him and searched for the comfort from that soul that knew what I had gone through, the one that could match the pain and hurt that I had deep inside.

  Flipping over his back, I landed into the dirt and laughed as he made a funny sound. Reaching out, he nipped at my jeans to try to get me back, but I was faster than him. I was faster and I had made it back over him quicker than he realized. A loud snort had come from him as he shifted a little.

  “You are just too funny.” Giving in, I laid on his back with my feet spread over him as I wrapped my arms around his thick neck. Burying my face into his sleek mane, I drew in a deep scent of him, one that I had come to love more than anything else. “I love you so much, Ben. I do. I will never let anyone else hurt you. I promise that.”

  A loud noise had come from him as his body had flexed. Just hanging on, I figured that he would have just shifted, but instead, he jerked himself up to his feet and stood there with me on his back. My heart jumped hard, not believing that I was on top of him with nothing. Not a thing to hang onto except for his mane.

  “I can’t believe it.” Paul let out a laugh as he rested his arms on the top wooden railing. “I was wondering when he would let you get on him.”

  “I was just playing
with him. We’ve done this before.” Nudging him with the press of my legs, he stepped carefully and gracefully as if he wasn’t eighteen hands tall. “Do you think that Jackson will give in and keep him?”

  “You know how Dad is about him, and if he catches you…”

  “Oh, he won’t catch me.”

  “You better not let him catch you, Tyke.” Paul yawned as he watched Ben walk over to the water trough.

  “Yeah, you better not let Dad catch you.” The deep voice came through the air as I shot a look over at Paul. Jackson was standing right behind his oldest remake with his arms folded across his chest and the anger building with each breath. Not good. Not good at all.

  Paul let his head hang as I slipped off the high back of the one that Jackson named The Beast. The last thing that I ever wanted to do was get Paul in trouble. Now, Jackson would know that his son was involved. Walking over to the fence, I swallowed hard as Ben had followed, aware that there was someone else near. His eyes had stayed on Jackson, watching, as if he were a guard dog. Eyeing for that one false move, that threat of danger toward me, and Ben would strike.

  “Um, he’s not crazy.” That was all that I could come up with?

  Without another word, Jackson turned on the heel of his brown cowboy boot and walked away, leaving a trail of cuss words following.

  Paul’s jaw tightened as he eyed the large dark gray dappled. “Well, I guess the word is out now. I will go and try to talk to him.”

  “No, I can. I’m not scared of him.” Slipping through the fence, I forced a deep breath. Not only had I defied Jackson, he had caught Paul at it also. Paul was read the same rights as I was when that horse had stepped foot on the property. Keeping Paul out of trouble was my main concern. We had so many secrets that Jackson would send me away and punish Paul for them, too.

  Jackson was right where I had expected him to be, tucked behind his organized desk, wearing that black and red flannel tucked inside the waist of his snug fitting jeans. I had to admit that two of his boys were the spitting image of him—the dark hair with the hint of curls and those deep melted chocolate eyes. Good looking boys, also. Paul, my favorite, had been a spitting image of him, getting to look more and more like him as the days passed. Marc, too, but I saw a little more of Connie in him. Will and Rob had taken after Connie more than Jackson.

  Taking a seat on the old green seventies couch, I waited for him to say something, but he just sat there, his hard eyes on me. That jaw was so tight as he was clenching his teeth together as tight as he could, I knew that he was on the verge of just exploding.

  “Paul had nothing to do with that. He just walked up and….”

  “First you defy me and then you lie to my face?” Instantly, the anger had washed away, bringing the hurt so close to the surface that I just wanted to cry. I hurt him. After everything that he had done for me. “Why?”

  And then the storm came. His rage had exploded out as he ranted and raved. On and on. Over and over. Rules and more rules. But when he had said that I hurt him by not listening to him, I did cry. It was the first time that I had actually cried in front of him during a bought of his temper tantrum.

  I don’t even know how long I had been sitting there letting him go on about the horse. It was wrong of me, but I had to do something.

  “Why, Emmy? Why do you have to keep going against me about everything?” His hands were on his hips as he stood behind the desk.

  “Because…I didn’t mean to.”

  “I set these rules to protect you, Emmy. To protect you.” As those hurt filled eyes shifted up to me, they had changed to sadness, making me cry harder. “Why did you go behind my back?”

  “Because, for once, I wanted a nice happy birthday and he’s just like me, Jackson. He’s been treated just like I had been and now he’s here where it’s safe, where no one can hurt him anymore. He’s full of scars, too. And he’s scared. He feels as if he has no one. He’s not sure to give in and trust because he’s afraid that someday, it will come to the point where no one will want him again.” Hunching over, I bawled, feeling the pain that Ben held in his heart; the pain that had matched mine.

  “You know that you will be the death of me one of these days.” His hand came down on my back as he crouched next to me. “Emmy, I know that he’s been abused. I know that. He’s a horse...”

  “He’s me, Jackson. Look at him closely. He’s me, and I can’t have you send him away. It will kill him.”

  A loud breath came from him as he tugged me closer to him, wrapping me in his arms. “I’m not going to send him away, but seeing as you are the only one that can get near him, you better take care of him.”

  Gasping, I looked at him as I felt my heart jumping hard. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t.”

  “Maybe I hadn’t seen it. I’m sorry. Just like I hadn’t seen it in you when you had first come here. There is always a place for him here. Just make sure that he doesn’t hurt anyone.”

  “He wouldn’t. He’s gentle. I sleep out by him sometimes…” Cringing, I felt those eyes turn cold again. My chest tightened as his hand pressed down on my back. “He knows what I went through because he went through it too.”

  “God, Emmy, Sometimes I forget, Honey.” Kissing the top of my head, he smiled. “Go get your horse then.”

  “Can I do some extra chores and save up for a new halter for him? He would look nice in a dark blue one or a red one.”

  “No, you do more than your share anyway. Get his measurements and we will get one while in the city. You are coming with.”

  “I trust that you will pick him out a nice one.”

  “Yeah, no. Child, go get his measurements. No chance in hell that I can leave you home alone now.”

  Nodding, I wiped the tears from my eyes and stood up. I had a horse now. My own horse. Hugging him, I took in a deep breath. “Can I see if Paul wants to come with?”

  “Since it’s so late, might as well. I will get Will.” Walking me to the door, he smiled as his eyes glanced over me quickly. “Whenever he feels like he’s lonely, you need to tell me. If he feels scared, just tell me. We are family now, Emmy. No need for him to be scared here.”

  Warmth filled me as I nodded, knowing that he wasn’t just talking about Ben. I appreciated it. I appreciated that he was willing to see why I had defied him like that. I had to. Paul had saved me that one night, and now we had saved Ben.

  Chapter 9

  ****Present****

  Of course I could believe that he was there to haul me home. That was Jackson Huck. The man never threatened. He promised. Going to their home this Christmas was something that I wanted to avoid. Not because they were the only real kind of family that I had, but because of him. Because of Paul. Every time that I had seen him with her, it hurt even more. It felt like the knives and the razors that my real father had used to cut me with were only being used deep in my heart. This Christmas, I just didn’t want to go there. I didn’t want to go and see that. Not when I had wished that it was me with him, me with the one that saved my life, with my best friend. I loved him. I really loved him. The night he kissed me, things between us changed instantly. I don’t know what had actually happened, but it was something and it had completely destroyed the solid relationship that we had since I had come to live with the Hucks.

  “I told you that you would like college.”

  Satisfied, Jackson just assumed that me wanting to stay at the college had meant I had really liked going there. I didn’t. I hated it. I hated looking at the other girls in my dorm, walking around all perfect while I had those scars. The scars that my roommate had spread around to all her friends. And those girls all whispered as I walked past. Every day. Every single day, whispers. As if I couldn’t see them using their hand to cover their mouths while spreading the word. My only friends were Marc and a couple of the guys that I tutored when I was bored, but that wasn’t very much seeing as they were seniors and I was just a freshman. They had lives outside of the school. I didn’t
. As for Marc, I tried my best not to call him too much for an escape plan. He had a life also and I wasn’t about to destroy that for him as well, though he always seemed to come to my rescue when I needed to just get the hell out of the dorm and off campus. But my life was back at the ranch, the ranch I was only able to go back to on the weekends now. Well, that was until I started seeing that she was always going to be there, until I realized that this one wasn’t someone that Paul was going to break it off with any time soon. And this Christmas would be the one where he would break my heart by asking her to marry him. Why not? He should and I didn’t mind her too much. That was the whole reason why he regretted the night he saved me. It was because of her.

  I hated her. I hated the fact that she had flipped her hair off her shoulder every ten seconds and always had to have her hand on him. Even at the dinner table, her hand had to be resting on his thigh. Right there. I could see it through the damn table. So, for the past month, I had made excuses not to go home on the weekends and after Thanksgiving dinner, I bolted out of there so fast just to get a ticket as soon as I pulled out of the driveway.

  “I love it. I just wanted to hang out with all my friends.” Rolling my eyes, I looked out the window as I felt my heart sinking deep into my chest. I hated lying to the one man that stood up for me through everything. If someone had mentioned anything about the scars, he stepped in instantly. He was my protector, my…dad, and the dad that I had always wanted. He was the dad that I laid on my mattress in my room, praying that I could have.

  “I know that you do, Honey, but this is Christmas. You have a month before next semester begins and you need to come home for a bit.” Reaching across the armrest, he patted my arm while passing me that loving look. They wanted me home. Family was a big thing with the Hucks and not just the parents. The boys also. Maybe that was what I loved the most about Connie and Jackson. They had shown me that it was okay to have a birthday, thought I still refused to acknowledge that day. But they wanted to show me that April first was not a day of physical pain. They made sure that I had known that holidays weren’t about bleeding or suffering, but were supposed to be full of love and with family. That was something that I appreciated with them.